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Thursday, December 26, 2019

Mercy Christmas - Scary Holiday Fun

It's December 26th.  Are you kind of depressed Christmas is over? Do you want to watch a few holiday themed movies before the year is out? Want to scare yourself a bit too? Maybe cheer for a character fighting for his or her life?   Good news! "Mercy Christmas" (2017) has you covered!


"Mercy Christmas" isn't the type of horror I usually go for and during the first few minutes I thought I might switch over to something else.  I decided to give it a bit more of a chance,  however, and I'm glad I did.  

At first the acting by Cole Gleason and Steven Hubbell kind of put me off.  Their characterizations were very two dimensional, but I perservered to the next scene and everything changed.  Those two dimensional characters were intended.  A set-up for a formulaic film that jumps the tracks just often enough to surprise you here and there.  Just when you think  you know what you're watching they do something unexpected.

As the movie progresses everyone's characters come into focus.  Hubbell's performance becomes more nuanced and believable and we realize that part of his "off" acting was actually the characterization of a man who is rarely himself in front of other people.

The movie will leave some viewers cold because it shifts between comedy and horror quite frequently and occasionally abruptly.  Some people  insist that their horror be pure.  Only scary, suspenseful and bloody with no humorous moments.  Those people have never been in a terrifying situation with me.  There is humor in most situations.  Sometimes we don't see it for years, until the adrenaline dies down and we can stop being scared or sad.  But the humor is there.  When humor breaks horror, it's a relief.  When horror breaks humor it's a shock.  Really, these are two things that compliment each other well.

This movie also takes the viewer through some bizarre turns and down a few paths that lead nowhere.  Some people hate that in a movie.  I'm guilty of doing it myself, so I can't really comment against it. ("Savaged" had a planned side story that takes place on a plane that our budget never allowed us to explore.) I think it works here and most of the plotlines come together or contribute in some way.

The last act is truly, truly, absolutely beyond bizarre.  There is far more humor here than the rest of the film, but it has its moments of suspense and plenty of violence.  By the end of the film I was ready to cheer.  A horror movie hasn't made me feel like that for a long time.  After watching it I just wanted to tell everyone what a great little movie this was.

I know that I USUALLY manage to find something positive to say about the indie films I watch and I'm not big on making fun of film's for their low budget shortcomings.  I leave the needling and such to other reviewers, but it's not terribly often that I see something I so definitely feel is a good film.
"Mercy Christmas" is one such movie.
Its strengths far outweigh any weak spots.  Highly recommended for anyone who can stomach it.




Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Slay Belles - Super Fun Christmas Monster Movie

"Slay Belles" (2018) is the most fun I've had watching a movie that wasn't made by me in a long time.  Seriously, I don't think I knew anybody involved with this one and yet I could see how much fun the cast was having as I watched the film.  To me, for an independent movie, that's a big thing that has been lost.



This movie has everything.  A trio of heroic women (Sounds like "Jack vs Lanterns" ), a monster (check box two for my kind of movie ) , a van, and Barry Bostwick as Santa Claus!

Let me jump in and say that I have no idea what audience this movie was targeting demographically.  Too many curses for kids.  Too absurd for serious adults.  It was basically made for me.  I guess there are other people out there like me after all.  An illusive group to be sure, but we exist.

The movie has gore, a very brief moment of nudity and enough F-bombs to embarrass a trucker.  It also has tons of comedy, ridiculous situations and what appear to be tribbles with teeth.  Then there's the Krampus that goes around murdering children.  Not teenagers having orgies in the woods, but actual, little, still believe in Santa Claus kids.  That was a bit disturbing and unexpected in what is otherwise a very lighthearted film.

Somehow I didn't realize that a Krampus was a main part of this movie.  It was achieved through practical F/X (as many of the f/x shots in the movie appeared to be ) and the suit was pretty darn cool.  He had all of his implements and characteristics.  The basket, the switch and his overly long horns.  In the daylight it played a lot like a man in a suit, but in the controlled lighting of the night scenes it was downright impressive and intimidating.

The movie takes place on Christmas eve, so about half of the screen time is dedicated to daytime action and that has trouble getting the creepy feel they likely wanted to create.  Most of the night scenes  however were beautiful, with the exception of a sequence or two that looked like they either had to shoot without power for lights or had a second unit doing the work and lacked the experience of the main crew.  Either way, even I thought the scenes were bit dark, and I'm known for ignoring lighting in my early days. (Mostly out of a lack of power sources when we were "stealing shots".)

Aside from those few scenes, the production values were high.

The acting was, as it often is in these types of films, uneven.  Bostwick, Kristina Klebe, Susan Slaughter and Hannah Minx made up the core crew and everyone of them was spot on with just enough camp and overacting at the right moments to keep things fun and remind you that you're watching to have a good time, not educate yourself on how the magic of Christmas works.  The rest of the cast has its highs, but it also has a few characters who come across as day players who only learned their lines and really didn't think about what their role in the story was.  It happens.  ( Especially if you only send people pages for their respective scenes because you're still doing rewrites.  Not that I know anyone who would do that. )

The plot is a bit out there, even for a Christmas movie, but it serves its purpose of creating a monster, and making an action hero of Santa and the Belles.

I look forward to their next adventure.  Maybe something around Halloween?






And in case after you watch t his you have a desire to see another trio
of women fight holiday themed monsters...





Sunday, December 22, 2019

Poseiden Rex - King of the Sea

"Poseidon Rex" (2013) - is exactly what you'd expect from a SyFy Channel movie from the time.  I'm not sure it was one, but I suspect it was.  In any case, you'll recognize the formula.



It's current rating on IMDB is a pretty low 2.5, but that  doesn't mean it's not worth watching.  A lot of people who just don't appreciate these kinds of "mindless" monster movies still feel a need to watch them and rate them.  A review I read a few years back put them into perspective for me.  They're like the movies we watched as kids on a rainy Saturday.  It wasn't really important if Gamera or 70s era Godzilla made sense.  We wanted to watch them challenge mankind, or other monsters, and destroy buildings and tanks.

The modern offshoots of these movies tend to follow a core group of unlikely heroes and bring in the military late in the film.   "Poseidon Rex" has these elements and adds a set of thugs as well.  There's no lack of action.

Brian Krause leads a cast of  people I didn't recognize.  But most of the main characters were more than adequate.  The one acting flaw almost everyone exhibited was an inability to fire a prop weapon convincingly.  This was likely because the weapons they were firing didn't even fire blanks.  The muzzle flashes were painfully obvious post production add ins.  Like all of these films characters fire countless rounds at the monster with very minimal results.

Let's talk about the monster.  He's the real attraction, right?  Or maybe I should say "she" since she's got a bunch of eggs siting on the ocean floor.  What would a good monster movie be without a world threat of more monsters as a side story?  Poseidon Rex looks really good.  She's got a fearsome design, moves well underwater and has a few nice touches setting her apart from T-Rex. What she doesn't look like is the monster in the cover art.  The real problem with her, hwever, is she never looks like she's sharing the same space as the human characters.  Something is off about her lighting in almost every scene.  But, if she were living in a 3D cartoon world of her own, she would be spectacular.

The plot moves at a brisk pace, attempts to make sense and has lots of shooting, running, and monster destruction.  It's not a great film, but it's a great film for people wanting to turn their brains off for awhile.




Friday, December 20, 2019

Holler Creek Canyon (2006)

"Holler Creek Canyon" (2006), otherwise known as "Bigfoot at Holler Creek Canyon" isn't anything terribly unusual as Bigfoot movies go.  A group of friends, a weird local store owner and a creature running around tearing people apart.



Being totally honest, I watched this one awhile ago (not 14 years ago, but a couple of weeks), so I have more of an impression of it than a full memory of the experience.  I watched the trailer to refresh my memory.

The characters and their intertwining stories were  nothing new and they weren't handled in a particularly new manner. I'm not complaining about a lack of originality.  A lot of my favorite monster movies follow a pretty familiar formula.  This one is no different.  The thing that sets great monster movies apart are the creature, the science, the set pieces or the interactions of the familiar characters.  Nothing in "Holler Creek Canyon" was particularly stand out.  Characters argue, lots of sexual innuendo, dialogue that isn't interesting in any particular way, etc.  It's not the acting (for the most part) that let's the movie down.  I doubt I would have cared about most of these characters had anyone been playing them.  By mid-movie, when the action finally gets going in earnest, I did find myself hoping for a survivor or two.

The creature isn't particularly memorable either.  It has its moments.  At one point, when running, I was truly impressed by the size of the suit and the movement.  But honestly, I don't remember much else.  Bigfoot suits can only be so original though.  The creature has a look to live up to. Large, hairy anthropoid.  It accomplished this.

Ron Jeremy has more than a cameo here.  So, if you're a fan of his acting, there's that.

A few of the action sequences surprised me in their scope as the rest of the movie seemed like a tiny crew, ultra-low budget, affair. It made good use the location too. I absolutely would have written a bigfoot story if I had access to such a location. Also, keep in mind that in 2006 the idea of everyone having a high end camera built into their phone was still on the horizon.  Not a reality.

This isn't a horrible movie.  It can be a chore to watch at times.  Some of the dialogue isn't just interesting, but actively difficult to sit through.  But, as bigfoot movies go, it's watchable.  Definitely something to pass the time while you do something, like write online reviews or prep monster scripts of your own.




Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Gremlin (2017) - A Different Little Monster

"Gremlin" (2017) is no relation to the 1984 classic we all know and love with the exception of the size of the titular creature.  So, for little monster fans, it might have caught your interest already.  I  put off watching it for awhile, because generally I like my monsters big and destructive.




True to the cover art, the Gremlin in this movie is a relentless, unstoppable,  killing machine.  And the idea that the only way to get it off your back is to "give it to someone you love" is a cruel twist that makes the beastie that much more frightening.  

The monster's design is sort of a love it or hate it kind of thing.  It's like a backwards walking Alien Facehugger without a tail.  It's head is very small.  It's full of teeth, but the mouth is so tiny, it's hard to take it seriously as a threat until  you see the aftermath of an attack.

There are some things involved with how the box and the Gremlin work that are never really explained. Or maybe I just missed the explanation.  Like, there's a "timer", but it doesn't seem to have any regular time intervals for when it opens the box and it certainly doesn't wait until "the timer runs out" to unleash the creature.  Seems more like a victim count leading to a more threatening end.  We're not told if it resets when it's "given to someone you love".  Also, the idea that you're passing on the curse to someone you love becomes more of a conflict as the creature works its way through the people around you during "the countdown".  So, the ones you love may fall prey to it, whether you give it to them or not.  

There's a fair amount of action in the movie once it gets going.  One or two relentless chase scenes.  A few "a-ha" moments and a finale that was really unexpected.

Overall, most of the acting was pretty solid stuff, but there was a problem.  I didn't like many of the characters and unlike most horror movies, the most likeable people (for me anyway) seemed to be among the earliest victims, leaving you with people you'd as just as soon see get munched on by a backwards walking, tailless facehugger.  

The special F/X and other production values are fine for a movie of this type and budget.  In fact, better than I would have expected.  Think current British sci-fi TV quality.

For monster fans, this is definitely an acceptable way to pass the time.  It may not be a movie I'd rush to watch, but when  you want something you haven't seen before, you can certainly do worse than "Gremlin" for horrific monster action.


                                   





Sunday, December 15, 2019

Clownado - Insane Extreme Gorefest

I caught "Clownado" (2019) on Amazon Prime.  I have personal and Facebook friends in this one.  Joel D. Wynkoop has been in some of my most prized movies (well, self prized, anyway), such as "Stopped Dead" and "Shelter" and he helped create my work-a-day version of The Grim Reaper in "Reaps", a spoof of "Cops" and other reality T.V. shows.
Linnea Quigley was in "Hoodoo for Voodoo" and I was basically her driver for the duration of her time on that movie.  I doubt she'd remember me now, but this still seems to be worth mentioning in this "full disclosure" section.

Dilynn Fawn Harvey, Eileen Dietz and others are on my Facebook friends list.  Having worked in independent cinema and done interviews for Cult Goddess Magazine, while still trying to keep a network of talent on tap makes it hard to review indie movies that don't have someone I occasionally speak to in them, but this one is a real whopper of indie talent.



Now, onto the movie.  As you can see from the artwork, they aren't shy about using clever marketing and bringing to mind better known movies, like "It" and of course, the infamous "Sharknado" series, but the marketing is where the likenesses end, with the possible exception of the humor infused action from "Sharknado".

You won't see "Clownado" on SyFy.  It's far too gory for that.  And the F/X are a healthy mix of practical and cgi.  The computer graphics are used when they need to be and practical F/X seem to be used whenever possible.

Bright colors, out of place lighting and interesting angles help give the movie an off kilter feel.  And off kilter it is.  I had trouble making sense of some of it, but I often do in killer clown movies.  They seem to  have unlimited powers at some points and go down all too easily at others.  Among the clowns, Satchel (Cayt Feinics) stood out the most for me.  Her name makes sense and I found her the creepiest.  She had a habit of collecting in the movie that makes for some pretty cool scenes.

If I had one complaint about the cinematography it's that there are often close-ups of the gore or monster F/X without an establishing shot or cutaway to show us what we're supposed to be seeing.  Perhaps this was to cover flaws in the F/X, leave things to the imagination or just an oversight.  It happens often enough to be noticeable, however, and it's a bit distracting at times.''

For retro fans of blood and guts movies like "Slime City" or way out, no holds barred horror like "Killer Klowns From Outer Space", this movie is one you want to watch.  Probably even one you want to own.  It does a lot with a modest budget.

Solid performances from the main cast throughout (with the exception of some accents that sound forced).  Wyknoop, Quigley, and Dietz have fun appearances, although only Wynkoop really gets a chance to stretch his legs with some significant screen time.

And be sure to stick around during the credits for some outtakes and such.




                                   

Saturday, December 14, 2019

Critters Attack - 2019 A Long Awaited Sequel

I cheated a bit with "Critters Attack" as I watched it on SyFy, not streaming, but to be honest, I just willing to pay extra to see it and it wasn't included with any of the streaming services I had access to when it was released.  It did hit SyFy in October and I watched it as part of my Halloween viewing.



This is the fifth movie in the official feature franchise and it took nearly years to get here since the 4th.  I like all four of the original Critters movies, so when this came out I was curious about it.   A bit afraid it would be full of CG monsters.  It wasn't, but maybe it should have been.  The "new" Crites had an odd look to them.  They were still fairly well put together puppets, with the exception of one, however, they didn't have the same onscreen impact as they did in the original movies.  I think brighter lighting and 28 years of picture quality improvement makes bringing creatures to screen through puppetry a lot trickier and they often missed the mark here.  The "cute one" in particular, looks like she auditioned for Sesame Street, but didn't get the gig and so wound up in this movie instead.

But, I still prefer puppets to CGI most of the time, so I was able to overlook that.

Dee Wallace returns to the franchise as a bounty hunter, but whether or not she's playing her original character is left rather ambiguous.  I feel like she's not.  Maybe she's a bounty hunter who adopted the persona of Helen Brown from a previous visit.  Whoever her character is meant to be, she's a bright spot in the film and a nice nod to the past.

The rest of the core cast is made up of young adults and kids, which is pretty true to the Critters formula.  Most of them play their parts and do okay with the script they were given.

Like in the 4th installment, there are some new concepts thrown around here.  I'm not sure I cared for them, but it's really up to the viewer to decide upon that.

The "final stand" is a bit of a letdown, but there's enough action spread throughout to keep the movie watchable.  Unfortunately, I don't think this is the movie to bring the franchise back, but I could be wrong.  It didn't quite capture the fun of the originals like the recent Tremors sequels have done. (Another favorite franchise of mine.)

If you're a huge fan of the Crites or a completist, like me, it's worth a watch.  I don't think many people will feel a need to watch it multiple times or tell their friends about how great it is.






I think the reason I was disappointed in it was partially due to this excellnt fan film, which set my expectations high.



And of course, if you like your aliens rubber, your action slimey and your acting a bit hit and miss, there's always the "Alien Vengeance"  franchise, from yours truly.










Wednesday, December 11, 2019

The Golem - 2018

"The Golem" (2018) plays very much like a sequel to "Der Golem" (1920).  It goes so far as to open with an earlier incarnation of the Golem, which is very reminiscent of the clay giant from the original story.  In fact, I would have loved to have seen more than the glimpse of we get of that fabulous monster, but alas, it was not meant to be.




We, instead, are taken to a village, years later, under siege by outsiders who blame the small Jewish community for a plague that has spread across the land.  That is, it has spread everywhere except into that small, isolated community.  In order to protect her people a woman, who should have no knowledge of such things according to the laws at the time, decides to conjure a protector.  But, despite her efforts to form a massive protector, instead a child rises from the clay.

The movie is slow to start.  It may seem like nothing is going on, but like any good story, it is laying foundations for plots that will unfold later on in the film.  And they unfold quickly and furiously once they start.

Despite his small size, the tiny Golem proves to more than an adequate hero.  And he is no less violent that his gigantic predecessor.  All of that is fine.  I'm not sure about the strange "force-like" powers they seem to have endowed him with, but that just may be me.  I like to see my Golems physically destroy things, like the Hammer Bridge in "It!" (1967)

Of course, like any good Golem movie (and they're all kind of cool), the creature has to somehow be less than heroic.  It has to become frightening and threatening to those it was meant to save.  The motivation for this Golem's changes are deep rooted and satisfying.

Overall, I enjoyed this movie.  My wife even kind of liked it.  Solid acting.  Fair F/X even if a bit too much of the gore was computer generated rather than practical, and solid, well rounded characters.  Not many likeable characters, but perhaps that adds to the realism.

The movie is a bit of "Frankenstein", a little "Forbidden Planet" and a dash of "Days of Our Lives".

I actually saw this one on Netflix.  If you get a chance, I'd suggest giving a watch.  I nearly checked out after the first fifteen minutes.  It does pick up.  Slowly, but it does.

                                                                           Trailer




And this is the trailer for "It!" (1967)
Strangely, "The Golem" is by all objective measures, the better movie,
but I am more likely to watch "It!" over and over again.




And, the closest I ever came to making a Golem movie
was my Bog Mummy movie, "Bogged Down", part of "All Wrapped Up".







Monday, December 9, 2019

The Weird World of Andrea Ricca

Italian director, Andrea Ricca, makes the types of movies I like.  Short, straight to the action and with an array of monsters.  I watched recently watched four of them in a row.  "Alien Monster", "The Giant Scorpion" and "The Spirit Board" were all viewed on Amazon and all three featured the acting talent of Ilaria Lamberti.  Most of Ricca's films seem to be dialogue free, so there is no language barrier to worry about.  Lamberti has no problem expressing emotion through facial expression and her characters have plenty of action to play out.  



The fourth film I watched, "Aliens Night", is available in YouTube with ad support, so I'll share that with you here.  As you'll see, it's light on story, much like my own "A Night Alone" and Ricca's other films.  Once again a woman is suddenly besieged by monsters.  This time from an alien invasion.  And once again she must fight her way through on her own.  Here is the movie below.


So, if you've got an itch to skip the dialogue and go straight to the monster action, seek out the work of Andrea Ricca on YouTube or Amazon.  The graphics are definitely low budget and there's no dialogue to create complex backstories, but Ricca does give us glimpses into the characters' lives through visual storytelling.  If nothing else you'll have an action packed few minutes.

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Monster Island - Lacking in Monster Fights and Eric Robers Screentime

I was looking for Kaiju movies when I came across "Monster Island" on Prime.
The title conjured up visions of the old Godzilla movies and a tropical island that was sort of a retirement resort for Kaiju.  This is not one of those movies.  Like many a SyFy movie, it makes use of a well known screen name for some star power. In this case, Eric Roberts gets the privilege of being the draw alongside the monsters.  His character, General Horne, however, is criminally underused.  Relegated, as the name stars in small productions often are, to a single set and phone call interaction with the main cast.  I honestly did the same thing with Debbie Rochon in "Alien Vengeance" 1 & 2,  so that I could get her into both movies with just one visit to Florida, where they were shot back in 2010.



Aside from only letting Horne shout into the phone most of the time, I thought it was odd that he was a GENERAL in the Navy. (Or Coast Guard, but it looked like a naval uniform to me. Military experts feel free to clear this up in the comments.

Alright, enough about the wasted talents of Eric Roberts in the movie, Let's get to what the movieis really about. The monsters!

The word "Kaiju" is thrown around plenty and it applies in the broadest sense of "giant monsters", but fans of the traditional Kaiju movies will likely be disappointed.  The creature designs are cool enough and they have some neat powers, even some backstory, but no personality.  There is plenty of build up about the main monster before we even hear about the second, which she will fight.  This kind of tension building is common in giant monster movies, but I would have preferred a parallel development of the two creatures.  As it stands you feel like you're watching a serial more than a feature.  Each segment playing out as a story and leading to the next rather than developing as one cohesive story.

The "Pacific Rim" movies have likely made the CG type creations seen here more acceptable as Kaiju and the first creature's design is simple, but effective as a sea monster.  Her adversary, however, is a stiff looking lump of a hero.  He barely seems to move during a particularly anticlimactic engagement with his nemesis. Considering this a fight for the fate of humanity, you'd think they would dedicate some time to it, but don't go to the bathroom or you'll miss it.  And it's paced like a stop motion fight I did. I get it. Animating monster fights is hard work, but this a movie with "Monster" in the title.  We need some monster action.

There is a great portion of the movie where the main cast is stranded on the gigantic monster in a small submersible, and honestly, with a low budget, I would have made the entire movie about them trying to stop it from there while an unsuspecting world was waiting for the thing to hit land.  But, just as I was beginning to enjoy the suspense and possibilities of this concept, the story moves past it.

Really what "Monster Island" is in the end is a not bad adventure film with monsters in it.  Somewhere between the fun of "Tremors" and the epic monster on monster action of the Godzilla series sits the not as good as either, "Monster Island".

Would I recommend it?  Well, if you're like me, can't get enough of monster movies, have seen most of the classics and old not so classics and can catch this one for free, then sure, give it a look to pass the time.  It's not bad.  It's also not a "must see" monster flick.





Sunday, November 24, 2019

Alpha Wolf is a Top Dog Among Monster Movies

OK, before I even get started, full disclosure here.  The starring couple in this film, real life husband and wife, Casper and Jennifer Van Dien, are people are I consider my friends.  Jenn has worked on two movies with me and was the subject of one of my very early interviews for Cult Goddess Magazine.  That said, I'm rarely hard on independent productions as it is because I know what it takes to get a movie from concept to completion and that task alone deserves some respect, even if this golden age of everyone have a high quality camera just a cell phone away.  Besides that, I have no editor (at the moment) telling me what to review, so if the movie had turned out to be a lemon, I just never would have published a review.



So, dear readers, there is your grain of salt. Now, read on.

I saw "Alpha Wolf" as an included with Prime flick as part of my October monster movie viewing.  It's no secret that I'm a werewolf fan and most of all an "old school" werewolf fan.  I prefer my wolves to be either well trained animals, or if they're anthropomorphized, men in make-up and/or suits.  This movie delivered on the use of practical F/X, if not with the most frightening of wolf designs. The image on the box cover is a pretty accurate representation of what to expect.  CG is used mostly for non-wolf F/X, sparingly and with varying degrees of success.

The title gives you the main gist of the movie.  A self proclaimed Alpha Male is bitten by a werewolf and has to come to terms with his newfound powers or curse, depending on your point of view.  All of this happens amid a get away with his wife and her loyal dog.

All around solid performances as you would expect from an experienced cast such as this.

There's a bit of a slow build up, which serves to create some tension and suspense and then it's followed by a good bit of action and intrigue.  There are some easy to spot plot elements and maybe a surprise or two.  The werewolf legend gets some new additions as it often does in modern movies.

You can see the cannon fodder victims coming as soon as they hit the screen, but that just adds to the retro feel.

Overall, if  you're a werewolf fan and hunger for something new, this is a movie you should see.



By the way, never let a Van  Dien drive  your Jeep through the woods in a monster movie.




Monday, October 14, 2019

"The Banana Splits" (2019) - Why all the Hate?

I'll admit that even growing up in the 70s, when "The Banana Splits" were on WPIX in NY and having "met" them in King's Dominion on one summer vacation, I was never really a huge fan of the show.  I just didn't get the "boingo" sound F/X and characters talking without their mouths moving.  So, when it was announced that there was going to be a horror movie made about the Splits, I was confused, but not offended.  I guess if I had been a big fan as a kid I might have found the concept alone insulting to my childhood heroes, but since I was never into them, I just thought the idea was idiotic.  Well, it turns out, it's strange, but not as far fetched as I had thought.  There are many things silly about it and a few things that were handled very well.

If I had to pitch the movie in Hollywood I would say it's Willy Wonka's Westworld with a Tromaesque touch of gore and dark comedy.



Things the movie handles well:

1. Making the Banana Splits "entities" rather than just guys in suits who go nutzo.  It's revealed very early on that they're "Puppets".  Super high-tech animatronics, with a bit too much of the "show must go on" programming.

2. A bit of 2 dimensional character development.  Most of the characters who are going to "buy it" through the movie are super predictable right from the start.  You're immediately given a reason not to like them and so when they suffer an over the top kill you don't feel as bad laughing about it.  There's even a character somewhat like "Jack vs Lanterns" own Ralph, who I a cheating asshole and manages to pop up more times than you might expect.  He doesn't get kicked in the nuts nearly as often as Ralph does though.   Don't read this as a spoiler though, because there are some red herrings in there as well and just because a character is "likeable" doesn't make them safe.

3. There's a bit more plot than the description suggests.  The puppet bots do indeed start slaughtering their way through the studio, but it's more subtle than a "rampage" as the SyFy Channel's info section on my cable suggested.  The tension builds,  the puppets have a plan and things develop throughout the movie.

4. The kills are creative, show inspired and gory.   Most of the kills are set-up earlier in the film before the bots go bad.  They mimic the show we see at the beginning in twisted, bloody ways.  The gore is not subtle, but it's usually not so realistic as to be too disturbing.  That's where the Troma influence comes in.

The Westworld influence ( 1973) is obviously the robots run amok angle.
Willy Wonka's influence is from the idea that the group is mostly comprised of parents and kids and wandering off and breaking the rules is a BAD idea.

Overall, this was an enjoyable bit of horror fun for October viewing.  I doubt I would buy it or seek it out again, but if it's on a channel I already have again I might even give it a second watch.  If they make a sequel, I'd watch it.

All the technical stuff, lighting, F/X, audio and direction were solid.  The acting was mostly good, with a few "off" moments for some of the characters, but those seemed to be more from unnatural dialogue than actual bad acting.



And, for more goofball good times check out one my movies:



Friday, October 11, 2019

"Don't Kill It", but do watch it!

"Don't Kill It" is a 2016 indie feature from Director, Mike Mendez.  Full disclosure, I have some Facebook friends in common with him and once photoshopped his face onto a Spiderman image at their request.  I don't think this affected my opinion of the movie in any way. It might have affected my opinion of his friends, however.  Also, I am acquainted with Tara Cardinal, who portrayed the "kitchen demon".  While her acting was excellent in the role, she didn't have enough screen time to sway my opinion one or the other either.



Now, onto the movie.  It's October, and I nearly didn't give this one a watch because I like my monster movies with at least a bit of horror this time of  year and the fact that Dolph Lundgren was starring led me to think this would be a soft sided SyFy channel action monster flick with nothing buy CG blood and watered down violence.  The opening sequence of the movie put those worries to rest, however.  In fact, there was so much rampant, bizarre, sudden violence in the opening it very nearly disturbed me.  The heavy soundtrack and insane screech of the "demon" was all that removed the brutality enough from reality to make it watchable without causing me permanent mental scarring.  And this is ME.  Some of you may want to avoid this movie.  Especially if you have a soft spot for animals.

The title pretty much says it all.  A body jumping demon (not uncommon), is released, and possesses anyone unlucky enough to manage to kill its host.  The demon's unbridled violence towards humans and invulnerability make you wonder why the killing sprees ever stop long enough for the lead characters to have any dialogue about what's going on.  I can  not stress enough just how fast paced and violent some of the killing sprees are.  Fortunately, by the middle of the movie they become so over the top and cartoonish at moments that you're wrenched out of the movie long enough to regain your sanity.

Trying not to give too many spoilers, but give viewers fair warning, this movie is not for everyone.  There are no victims off limits here.  If the 1980s "The Blob" sewer scene seemed to cross a line to you, there are scenes in this movie that race through iron fences.

The acting is mostly solid throughout.  Lundgren, as expected, makes a good anti-hero.  He's saddled with a task no sane man would want, but anyone with a sense of duty would know he has to perform.  Krista Klebe does well playing a bit more than a sidekick (it takes awhile for her character to become an all out partner).

The gore F/X are a mix of CG and practical and some of the practical F/X are so off the wall that they're nearly comical, but again, that relief from the violent outbursts is needed to keep the viewer grounded.

With not a lot of "scares", but a difficult to stop monster and a body count any horror movie can be "proud" of, I think "Don't Kill It" makes for entertaining Halloween season viewing.  I wish I had discovered it  3 years ago, but I think I was shooting a monster movie of my own back then.  Maybe I had just come off of "Lumber vs Jack" or was starting "Jack vs Lanterns".


Silly Bonus Movie: 


Tuesday, April 2, 2019

"Strange Nature" - It has been Prophesied

In the very early 80s a young me saw the movie "Prophecy" on late night television and it shaped my idea of monster movies forever.  That big mutant monster, which had a real motivation and a terrifying backstory left an impression on me that may explain why lately I've been making (albeit goofier) monster movies that are environmentally driven, like "Jack vs Lanterns".



So, when "Strange Nature" showed  up in my suggested movie list I figured an environmental thriller monster movie was worth the watch.  And it was, eventually.

The film opens by introducing us to the lead characters, Kim Sweet (Lisa Sheridan) and her son, Brody (Jonah Beres) who are on their way to her old home town to spend time with Kim's father, Chuck (Bruce Bohne) to help him while he fights cancer.  The acting for this set-up was top notch and most of the cinematography made good use of the location to set the town up as a "character", but the chroma-key work in the car was 1990s sitcom quality and a bit distracting.  The opening music also annoyed me to the point of taking me out of the film. (A song with lyrics during a conversation has never seemed like a good idea to me.)

Once we're in town and the characters establish their backstories a bit, we find the deformed frogs.  News stories mention disappearances and we do get to sort of witness a monster attack when hiker and photographer Tina Stevens (Tiffany Shepis-Tretta) wanders into the woods alone.  I won't describe what happens in detail, but I will say that I wish Tina Stevens had a bit more set-up.  If she had not been played by a recognizable actress I wouldn't have had any reason to connect with the character before the action started.

Instead of becoming a full blown monster fest, the movie tries to work at some scientific exploration, with the local biology teacher explaining mutations in frogs and snails as things progress and with Kim trying to find out why this all going on near her sick Dad's property.  Is it the water, the local pesticide company (it's always those dang corporations like "Genbetter")and does the Mayor know or is he really concerned and trying to help solve the puzzle?  These mysteries seem to unfold, but not much comes of them.  The sad thing is, that's a pretty realistic reflection of how things like this pan out.  We don't get answers to questions like this in a few months.


At this point, not a lot of monster action happening.  Instead our conflict comes from roadblocks to Kim's investigation and a deformed father and daughter who live on the lake being accused of somehow poisoning the town's water supply.  I felt like I was watching "Erin Brockovich".  But, it kept my interest.  Also, the most awkward of romances tries to develop between Kim and the Biology teacher.

Then the disturbing scenes start happening. SPOILER: Highlight to read. Dog Lovers beware.  Things do not go well for the family pooch.  I had to fast forward a bit here.

Mutations move past forest life and start showing up in people and pets.  At this point we're still dealing with a psychological and environmental thriller, but by the end of the third act a full blown monster movie runs out of the woods and grabs you by the throat.  (Well, it grabs someone.) More blood, guts, screams and carnage happen in the following ten minutes than you can fire an untold number of bullets at.  If you're a practical F/X monster fan, this sequence makes the preceding movie worth watching.  It's a slow, methodical build to a lightning fast finale (before a 1970s style epilogue).  Would I have preferred more of this sort of monster action spread throughout?  Of course!  I love monsters.  But the slow, building pace makes the final confrontation all the more gripping (pun intended).

If you pay attention to the quiet times in the movie, you'll find that when the action comes, very little was wasted.  It's all leading to something and the payoff, in my eyes, is worth it.  "Strange Nature" does walk a lot of the same ground as movies that came before it, like "Prophecy", but it's different enough that fans of that movie can enjoy it as an addition to the environmental monster genre instead of just a remake.  And the "Erin Brockovick" moments aren't all that bad.


Monday, April 1, 2019

"Queen Crab" - More Joe Young than Kong, but Super Fun!

"Queen Crab" kept popping up in my suggested movie list on Amazon Prime.  So did a much older giant crab creature feature, "Claws".  I have seen most of "Claws" (keep falling asleep on it), and was confusing it with "Queen Crab" for a long time.  So, I skipped the newer film.  Finally, I saw the art for both on my T.V. screen at the same time.  This was my big clue that they were different movies.  Still, I had little interest in seeing a giant CG crab eat up a small town.  Finally, reading the IMDB page, I found out the F/X were done with stop motion.  I decided to give it a watch and I'm so glad I did.


Let me get this out of the way right here.  If you are looking for cutting edge special F/X, Oscar worthy performances or a deeply emotional and heart wrenching story, keep scrolling your movie list.  This is a creature feature throwback with all of the flaws and fun that entails.

"Queen Crab" is one of those movies with a very uneven tone.  It opens like a kids' movie.  The music, the cute little crab, the dancing child, but this is all set-up for what's to come later.  Make it through that first act, much like sitting through the bartering session at the beginning of "Mighty Joe Young", and you'll be rewarded with a monster movie for the rest of the film.

Once Melissa Webber (played as an adult by Michelle Simone Miller) becomes orphaned, the movie's tone becomes the one we expect.  Strange deaths, a mysterious young hermit of a girl, bumbling local police and some monster fodder characters who are just there to be torn to pieces.

Director, Brett Piper, actually does an excellent job of creating sympathy for our rampaging titular creature.  And she does rampage.  There is some nicely done gore for fans of that sort thing, a tank, fighter jets and farmers with shotguns and other assorted weapons.  In fact, the poster above is pretty accurate in portraying what happens on screen.  It may be a bit more spectacular on the poster, but it's far less exaggerated than some monster movie posters, such as the Poster for 1958's "The Blob" when it was released in France a couple of years later.




The F/X are an old movie fan's dream.  There are, of course, some digital moments that are easy to spot, like a hole in the side of a barn that clearly wasn't actually destroyed, but the stop motion is very high quality for a film of this nature.  If you like the monster work in "The Black Scorpion", you'll like this.

Stop motion is a painstaking process.  I only use a few moments in films like, "Lumber vs Jack" and "Jack vs Lanterns" , but even I know it can take hours to get a few seconds of decent looking animation onto the screen.  Season 2 of "The Simplest Things" only has a couple of dinosaurs and I had to loop some shots as a time saving device.  For that reason, a lot of independent movies avoid stop motion, or when they do use it,  you don't get to see a lot of the creature.  I never felt cheated out of monster time while watching "Queen Crab" and every time she made an appearance I would giggle with delight. (Seriously, Chaya, my dog, was looking at me like I was nuts.  She watches all of these movies with me.) It was magical.

I mentioned the acting earlier.  It's the typical B movie standard.  Performances range from, "Hey, Bob wanted to be in the movie so we gave him some lines" to professional grade performances.  One farmer can barely hold back a smile as he describes his cow being eaten.  Overall though, the best performances were by the leading characters and so the story holds together and moves along.  There are human interactions to develop characters and keep the pace moving, including a very awkward fight scene or two.  A hint to low budget filmmaker from one indie to another, keep a really junky car around so you can have it parking lot scenes when there's a fight.  Talent holding back so they don't scratch another actor's car is kind, but with GRIM, the Jeep from the "Jack" movies, I never have to worry about that.  I have covered that thing with slime, hit it with branches and driven it over a pile of crusher run.  It's mine and I keep around to do all of the thankless work my life requires.

The relationship between Melissa and Goliath (as the crab becomes known) is a sweet one.  It's the not the romance from "King Kong", but closely resembles the friendship from "Mighty Joe Young".  If you're a fan of monster movies with sympathetic, nearly heroic monsters, give this one a watch.


Tuesday, March 26, 2019

"Final Girl Vengeance" a.k.a. "Survival Knife"

I caught "Final Girl Vengeance" (previously titled "Survival Knife") on Amazon Prime.  And I'll be honest, the main reason this one was on my radar is because of actress Danielle Donahue. I had seen her in other films, such as "Jurassic Prey" and "Bigfoot vs Zombies", and while I enjoy the campy nuttiness of monster movies like that, I was curious about how she would do in a more serious role.  Something told me she could pull it off and I was happy to find out that I was correct in that assessment.

It was sort of like when I had the luck to work with Debbie Rochon on "The Lunar Pack", "Death Plots" and "All Wrapped Up".  She was spectacularly fun as the hostess Mistress Misty, but I knew I was wasting her true talent, so I wrote "Savaged", a movie that squarely put all of the emotion and tension on her capable shoulders.  Her co-star was my dog, Valkrie Liquori and they actually worked amazingly well together over a four day shoot.  (Yep, four days of principal photography for a feature film).


Cover Art with the original title, "Survival Knife"



One thing I think that may disappoint some viewers is that "Final Girl Vengeance" isn't a straight horror film.  It opens with a horror sequence, involves a serial killer called "The Survivalist" and has flash backs to some truly horrific situations, but the movie as a whole is a psychological thriller and character study.  Fortunately, the character we are focused on is Penny Warren, played by Donahue.  I say "fortunately", because out of the whole cast, Donahue is the only one who really shines.  The rest of the performances range from pretty good down to "in the wrong movie".  There are a few cast members who clearly didn't have the time or take the effort to prepare for their shoot days and it takes the viewer out of the moment.  While I usually forgive this in a campy creature feature, because I'm watching for the monster, in a character driven movie like this, it can really break the pace.

Try to press through those moments though.  Penny Warren has a lot of screen time to herself and a few scenes dealing with her own Lois Lane type reporter, who just won't let things go, played by Kaitlyn Shoeb.  These moments and an interaction with a police detective are when the best acting happens.  If you can concentrate on those you'll be able to appreciate the plot of the movie.

There are also those moments of horror I spoke of earlier.  They can be brutal at times.  The blood and gore is mostly average, but there is some  excellent make-up for Penny as she heals as well as a kill toward the final act of the film that is truly inspired.

The movie does suffer from the usual pitfalls of  low budget films.  The sound is uneven and at times just plain bad. Keep an eye out for a scene in a "gentleman's club" that is completely subtitled, but nobody actually seems to be speaking the lines you're reading.  It's an interesting way to handle not having control over the audio for the day.

The location work is amazing at times.  An "abandoned steel mill", the aforementioned club, the doctor's office, police station, and even characters' apartments are all on point.  The steel mill location is perfect for this type of movie.  Very "Robo Cop" meets "Nightmare on Elm Street".

In the end, enjoying "Final Girl Vengeance" comes down to accepting that it may not be the horror film  you expected, while still being horrific at times and getting past its obvious shortcomings in order to enjoy its strengths.

Oh, one of those shortcomings, for me, was the score.  It was super repetitive.  I know, for the director of "Shelter" to say that is pretty bold, but it got annoying right from the opening scene.  I had nearly forgotten how much it annoyed me it until I searched for the trailer.



Monday, March 25, 2019

"Outerman" - Kajui "Comedy"

I saw "Outerman" on Midnight Pulp, so it was free to watch, with ads.  For me, that was the right price for this film.  I would watch it on TV, but I doubt I would spend money to rent or buy it.  It may be worth it for big fans of "Ultraman" and shows like that because those are the series it purports to parody.



That claim of being a parody, an "action-comedy", is part of what bothered me.  I get it, a movie that takes a known entity and basically copies it is best protected when it's then called a "parody", but unless I was missing something, this isn't much of a comedy.  There is a group of self-proclaimed nerds, who are obviously meant to be funny and some jokes here and there, but not may big laughs and the situation itself, the main plot line, is actually pretty decent science fiction with a major bit of social commentary.  To me, the comedy elements were no more present than most Marvel movies.  So, it's more a modern day super hero movie than a "comedy".

The movie is subtitled, so I will admit that I may have missed nuances and I am shamefully unaware of Japanese culture outside of movies, so I may have missed some humor there.  Aficionados might find the movie funnier than I.  

On the action side, it's a bit light too.  There are giant alien fights, but not many and we only really get to experience two designs.  Siblee and the titular Outer Man.  Other monsters are briefly shown as part of clips from the show within the movie.  I'll admit, as much as I love Midnight Pulp for carrying my movies like "Lumber vs Jack" and the "Alien Vengeance" movies, their commercial placement leaves a lot to be desired.  It seems automated at minute intervals and can really break up the pace of an otherwise well put together movie. Scenes may be interrupted mid conversation or fight sequence.   Broken pace aside, I would have preferred more and/or longer monster fights, but the ones we do get are at least well done within the F/X style of the movie.



The cast is fairly strong.  The "nerds" and Ministry of Defense characters give appropriately over the top performances as serious characters in an absurd situation.  The heroes are a group of past actors from the "Outerman" show and a "homeless alien".  They all play it pretty straight and do a good job.  Miki and her nephew, Hiroshi, are what make the whole thing work.  Having a kid to watch the story unfold through and give the characters nuggets of wisdom is what made it all "ring true" for me.  This isn't so much a comedy as a movie that doesn't take itself too seriously.  Having a child as a main character reminds us to watch it as we would have on a rainy afternoon during "Monster Week" on our local TV channel.  Watched through a child's eyes the movie is really entertaining and fun.

If you long for "Power Rangers" type action, but with a bit more plot and character development, and don't mind reading subtitles (Or understand Japanese), give "Outerman" (or as IMDB has it listed "Outer Man") a spin.







Sunday, March 17, 2019

GALAXY LORDS -WTF Did I Watch?

I saw "Galaxy Lords" a few weeks ago on Prime Video.  It is, in one word, insane.  The F/X are amazing for a low budget movie and except for an extensive use of CG, fit in well with the rest of the retro feel of the movie.  The movie's biggest downfall is the lumbering set-up after the initial opening action sequence.  It gets very talkative and slow for a good few minutes with the only action being our hero chopping wood, terribly.  Anyone who has seen "Lumber vs Jack" or "Jack vs Lanterns" knows that I take my wood chopping super seriously.  My axe throwing is another story.

As suggested viewing, to get you into the right mind set, and to understand what is being spoofed here, I suggest my younger readers check out "Flash Gordon" (1980), and the "Buck Rogers" T.V. show from the same time period.  Other things, like the countless knock-offs of "Star Wars" undoubtedly played a hand in inspiring the filmmakers, but production value-wise, those two should suffice.  Maybe a bit of the original "Battlestar Galactica".  


Now that you have some context, watch the trailer to get a true feel for what "Galaxy Lords" is like.
Do  you see what I mean?  The little robot buddy?  The "rocket cycle" like flying treadmill with a laser cannon in it?  Those red baddies really resemble Ming's troops, right?


None of this is necessarily bad.  It really all depends on whether or not you can accept the tone of the movie.  The beards are fake, the costumes are foam, the F/X are a mix of practical and CG and the acting is usually so far over the top it falls back down to the bottom, but this all part of the fun.

One reviewer on Amazon (where this movie is pretty well liked judging by the star rating) suggested that the movie would play better if it was transferred to VHS first. I think that observation is spot on.  It would give the movie the look of its intended contemporaries. 

If you like some humor with your lasers, give this one a try.  You may be left confused, but you'll at least be entertained.  (You may just want to fast forward past that whole wood chopping scene.  I honestly nearly gave up before watching the rest of the movie.  It's a painful few minutes.)

Friday, March 1, 2019

"Jurassic City" - Dinos, Prisonsers, Mercenaries and Sorority Sisters

"Jurassic City" is more than just a movie with Monique Parent and Dinosaurs, although those two elements would be reason enough to watch it.  Made back in 2015, presumably to coincide with the release of "Jurassic World", the movie has finally Prime Video and thus qualifies for inclusion on this blog.  (Sort of "free" to watch.)  Its 3.5/5 star review on Amazon is pretty impressive for an independent monster flick.  It's also well deserved.

The trailer concentrates more on what I saw as a "side story" within the movie.  There's some activity in the city, but the characters and action in the jail is what really held my interest.  There's a claustrophobic feeling intrinsic with a prison setting.  The isolation is increased when the communication with the outside world is lost due to certain dinosaur activity.

The raptors are a bit unconventional in their design, but made to menacing pretty much from the get go of the movie.  If you like your monsters to get a lot of screen time, you probably won't be disappointed here.  The quality of the CGI is exactly what you expect from a not-quite theatrical release quality movie.  It's far from outstanding, but no worse than your average SyFy channel outing.

The acting is where this movie rises above other independent fare.  The aforementioned Monique Parent turns in a solid performance as always.  She could have used more screen time, but overall she and the other "lady prisoners" were believable.  Ray Wise is fun as the no nonsense prison warden.  Other familiar faces include Vernon Wells as a villain with eyes on the oval office and Robert LaSardo as a Corporal with heroic tendencies.  Kevin Gage plays Doyle, a convicted rapist who finds himself part of a group of prisoners who are trying to escape when the dinosaurs find their way into the prison.  Kelcey Watson, who has an impressive body of work, did an excellent job as Armstrong, a prison guard caught in the middle of the mayhem. Finally, Dana Melanie wonderfully portrayed Pippi, the most petite, yet toughest of the sorority sisters who wound up in the prison that fateful night.  All three sorority sisters did well, but her performance left me wondering what background Pippi had that made her so tough in a pressure situation.

The movie takes some time to build  up to the main action.  It has a bit of very silly comedy surrounding the arrest of our sorority sisters and there are a few two dimensional characters, like the guys in the "drunk tank".  These aren't so much weaknesses as tools though.  The sorority party is essential to get our three "sisters" where we need them.  Two dimensional characters with immediately recognizable character flaws make it easy for us to identify them, relate to them and watch them react predictably to monsters chasing them through a maze.

Once the action starts it pretty much holds throughout the movie.  There's a great "Alien-esque" vibe about the whole thing.

Highly recommended for monster fans who don't mind CG blood and characters who do stupid things to move the plot along.

Also, check out more Monique Parent in Jack vs Lanterns

Buy the DVD for it here: http://www.hocfocprod.com/jackvslanterns
or stream it here: https://www.cocoscope.com/watch?v=10749