Firehead - Fletch meets Sci-Fi Schlock

Have you ever wondered what "Fletch" would have been like if Chris Lemmon played the role, he was a scientist and was caught up in a cold war plot with a telekinetic cyborg as his sidekick? Apparently the creators of "Firehead" did and the results were about as ridiculous as you'd expect, but in a really fun 80s kind of way.


I saw this gem on Amazon Prime Video. Much like the previously reviewed "Terror Within", "Firehead" has a great cast.  Chris Lemmon plays the unwilling scientist turned action hero perfectly, Christopher Plummer is a great secret society villain and Martin Landau makes just long enough of an appearance to give the movie some credence as a sci-fi espionage cult classic.

The movie was made in 1991, so the special F/X are kind of at the end of the whole "wow, look laser beams" phase of things before anyone with a laptop could make simple glow F/X happen on screen.  Still, they're fine for the story telling.

I mentioned that the movie reminded me of "Fletch" and really, with Chris Lemmon running around in a ball cap, cracking jokes and making innuendos whenever there was a lull I did keep expecting to hear that wonder "Fletch" score in the background.  I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but I did find it kind of strange and distracting.  I liked the "Fletch" movies enough for what they were, but never imagined they were something someone else would want to emulate, no less in an action sci-fi movie.

As far as the action goes, there was plenty of it, but much of it was sloppy.  Lots of shooting with no cover but nobody getting hit.  Fight scenes that looked like they knew who supposed to win, but didn't really choreograph anything and stuff like that.  Kind of like late 70s TV show fighting where Buck Rogers would kick a guy and that looked cool, but then he would just shove another guy, because only the kick was scripted and they never bothered to think out the rest.  I admit, I was guilty of  this sort of thing myself, but every since "The Lunar Pack"  I have been blessed to usually have a fight coordinator on set who took care of those details.  (Notable exceptions are Jack vs Lanterns and Lumber vs Jack and it shows in my campier fight sequences.)

But, enough about me, back to "Firehead".  Overall I think it's a kind of forgettable movie and it's not something I think anyone needs to rush out and see, but if you miss the days of being able to turn on a premium cable station and see a random action comedy, this movie is worth a watch.  As far as "buddy" movies go it's not bad either.  Don't expect it all to make sense.  Don't look for mindboggling special F/X, but do pay attention for clichés and some quick fire jokes from Lemmon.

Take special notice of the clip they use for "high speed chases".

The Terror Within and The Terror Within II - Watch, Rinse, Repeat

Both The Terror Within and The Terror Within II are available on Amazon Prime (as of this writing).  Both star Andrew Stevens.  Both involve mutant monsters chasing isolated people around enclosed places.  And both involve those monsters having a strong desire to mate with human women. (Maybe only male mutants survived? I don't think that's ever explained.

I love a good monster movie.  And even some bad ones.  These fall somewhere in the middle.  The first is definitely the superior movie, even though the second expands the post apocalyptic world a good deal and is a worthy sequel.  These are late 80s and early 90s features with no CGI for the creature F/X.


The "Gargoyle" mutant in the first film is a pretty obvious suit, but the design is fairly original and it does come across as menacing.  The beasts in the sequel range from this look to much more human looking monstrosities  with less of a "mask" look and one of them walks around the whole time looking as if it is covered in blood.


"The Terror Within" has a much more claustrophobic feel, mostly because only the very beginning takes place outside.  Once the creature finds a way into the compound the chase is on in dark corridors, hidden corners and ducts.  There's always ducts big enough to  hold monsters in sci-fi horror from the 80s.

"The Terror Within II" has many more outdoor scenes, a human settlement, a side story with female sacrifices, more characters to act as monster happy meals and yet somehow, eventually manages to repeat almost all of the first movie.  The only reason this REALLY bothered me is that David (Andrew Stevens ) makes all of the mistakes he should have learned from the first time around and the results are very predictable.

The first film had a killer cast with George Kennedy, Andres Stevens and Terri Treas all turning in expectedly good performances.  The real stand out for me, however, was Butch (Stevens).  I tend to watch dogs in films pretty closely and this one really did look to David (his handler in the movie) for his cues.  This is not usual with low budget fare.  It takes a lot of time and work to train a dog NOT to look to his (or her ) trainer off camera for cues.  We got lucky in "Savaged" that my dog, Valkrie, was so in love in Debbie Rochon.  She rarely took her eyes off her, although it is noticeable in one early scene when Debbie is walking Lotus (Valkrie) away from the camera, which I'm standing behind.
I suspect, with Butch's last name being "Stevens", that this interaction is because they used his actual dog.

Most of the acting in the second film is also adequate.  Considering this was Andres Stevens directorial debut and he starred and co-wrote the movie, it is really is a solid little piece of horror home cinema.  There are some low budget moments that stand out, perhaps most of the all the horrible "machine gun" action.  The sound F/X and shaking of actor Chick Vennera clearly indicate that he is supposed to be firing a machine gun, but no blanks were used, no smoke leaves the barrel and this was before the days of adding muzzle flashes in post.  The result is completely unconvincing and looks like kids playing cops and robbers.

I definitely suggest "The Terror Within" for anyone who is a monster in a maze fan and if you enjoy the first so much that you wish it was longer, watch the sequel.  You'll mostly get more of the same and you'll see the final act coming from a mile or so away, but you'll get more monsters and guts.

"Halloween Horror Tales" - A New Indie Anthology

"Halloween Horror Tales" is an indie anthology from Director, Writer, all around filmmaker, Jeff Kirkendall.  It is pretty much what the title promises, four short films about the strange happenings in a small town.  Like in many of the classic anthologies the person telling the story is also a main character in the final tale.  We're treated to stories about a psychotic clown, a horror hostess with a secret (I'm not really sure what the secret was), a "Bad Flower" and a rash of killings that are being blamed on a vampire.

The stories are much like old Twilight Zone or Tales from the Crypt episodes where the real payoff comes with the ending.  Some of these payoffs are more worthwhile than others.  Some are twists, other punchlines of sorts.  Of course, I was partial to the killer plant story, "Bad Flower", even though there was nearly no character development outside of the first two women we meet.  I just really enjoy killer plant movies like "Lumber vs Jack" and "Jack vs Lanterns" .  I kind of wish there had been more sound F/X used in this one, but the visuals were pretty effective for the monstrous flower.

  Throughout the stories we see some of the same faces, but they're obviously meant to be playing different characters.  Some viewers may find this confusing since it's supposed to all take place in one town.  Just try to think of them as relatives who closely resemble each other. The acting is hit and miss throughout.  At some points it is very appropriately over the top (Like the two main characters in the flower story) and others lines are delivered so flatly that they seem more like a read through than a performance.  This is not uncommon in indie films, however, since there is often little time for rehearsals and sometimes actors are working together for the first time when the cameras are rolling.  It's something I can forgive in a movie if the stories are strong enough and the lead performances are adequate, as the case in most of the shorts here.

If I have one complaint it's that so much of the action takes place during the day.  This offers very little opportunity for dramatic lighting or dark shadows that help make horror suspenseful.  On the other hand, it does help avoid the indie stigma of being so woefully underlit that  you can't see the action.  (Newer cameras with low light capability and spot on monitors have also helped avoid this in newer indie productions.)  What we're left with are some uninspired, but very viewable scenes. On another technical note the audio is almost entirely good.  I don't recall every feeling like I suddenly couldn't hear a line.  At times it seemed, again, a bit "flat", like some more layers of sound may have helped beef things up, but good audio is better than cluttered bad audio.

Overall, I'd suggest this one to any horror or anthology fan.  There's enough entertainment here to make it worth a watch and a twist or two that might actually surprise some viewers.

I look forward to more work from this crowd.

Nyoka and the Lost Amulet of Vultura

I found "Nyoka and the Lost Amulet of Vultura" on the Retromedia TV Roku Channel.  It's an ad-supported channel, so a true no cost way to watch genre movies.

The Nyoka character in this film is said to be the descendant of the character by the same name who headlines a 1942 serial.  That serial was 15 episodes and had a budget of $175,000, according to IMDB.  According to the trivia, this 2014 released "sequel" is actually comprised of 3 shorter films and a new footage.  The editing and continuity are clean enough that I would not have guessed this fact from watching.  The newer film's budget is also estimated at $5000.  It still amazes me how video and ultra-indie productions have changed movie budgets.  $5000 is likely more than I spent in the end on "Jack vs Lanterns", and definitely more than I spent on either "Alien Vengeance" feature. (I actually worked it out so that we saved on flights for Debbie Rochon by flying her in for her scenes in both movies just once and she shot most of her sequences over a weekend, so we were able to split those costs over both budgets.)

Back to Nyoka.  The producers worked hard at keeping the production similar in tone to the original adventure serial, although as a feature the cliffhangers play out a little less dramatically and there seemed to be too few.  (The original likely would have had seven in the same time span.)  Important elements, however, were kept, such as Satan the gorilla, still portrayed by a "Gorilla Man".  I'm glad they kept that specific effect retro since much else was done with CG.  The computer generated F/X quality was of varying degrees, but none of it was "bad".  Some of it was pretty impressive.

Nicola Rae did an excellent job portraying the smart mouthed, capable adventurer, Nyoka. I was actually disappointed to see that she only has one other IMDB credit.  I think she could add some flare to other independent productions.

Chris Casteel lends his talents as both Gurson, one of the explorers who helps provide some exposition and as the man in the gorilla suit portraying Satan.  I feel like the ape suit could have been helped a bit by lighting, but overall it's impressive as a throwback to a an era when gorillas were almost exclusively portrayed by men in costume.  Angles and camera work can also make or break an onscreen monster, even a gorilla, and this is proven by one particular in which Satan charges, which for me stood out among the rest of his appearances.  He really came across as threatening for those moments of screen time.

Pierce Knightly and Nancy Krayer turn in appropriately over the top campy performances as The Crimson Skull and Congo Kate, respectively.

The supporting cast is capable.

The video and audio tracks are pretty clean with some shaky camera work here and there.  That's mostly noticeable because it's more "modern" than the locked down cameras of the 40s.  The score was reminiscent of the type heard in old serials and jungle movies, which added to the nostalgia.

The plot is also pretty typical for these types of movies, so it will certainly seem a bit "corny" to modern audiences, especially if they've never seen an old serial.

My suggest for this one? If you're a fan of old serials and jungle flicks, give it a watch whenever.  If not, look for some old Public Domain serials and/or jungle movies and watch them first.  Then top it all off with this modern adaptation of the genre and style.  "Cape TV" on Roku is a good place to find serials for free and try Tanget TV or The Internet Archives for some old public domain adventure movies.

There's Something in the Pilliga - But Don't Ask Me What

Seriously, if I hadn't read the description of "There's Something In the Pilliga" I would have had no idea what I was supposed to be watching.  It took a long time to become the monster movie it promised to be and even then I was second guessing what was going on.  But, it's available as part of Prime, so if you subscribe, now is the time to give it a chance.

In a sense of fairness, I'll say that if I hadn't started watching this with the intent to give it a review (The Movie only has two external reviews on IMDB so far and I feel all movies deserve some coverage) I would have stopped shortly after I realized it was going to be a "found footage" movie.  I'm not a fan of the subgenre and I think the method has become overused in  horror.  So, no matter how well that element of the movie may have been done (and some shots were pretty good), the movie was already fighting an  uphill battle to keep my attention through no fault of script, acting or f/x.  Some of that would come later though.

The driving character through much of the movie is Jay and he is annoying as hell.  I wouldn't want to spend an  hour with him in a truck, but thanks to the first person style of the movie, I feel as if I did.  While I found this grating, this is actually indicative of two things:

1. The POV shots did draw me into the action.
2. Brendan Byrne did an excellent job of playing an annoying son of a bitch.

In reality all of the acting in the movie was pretty spot on.  I had trouble understanding the dialogue, but 90% of the time that was due to accents and my inability to parse them vs 10% of the time when it was the production being a bit too realistic as to the "found footage" quality of the audio.  Most of the audio is pretty clean, but the truck occasionally drowned out some lines and people at a distance from the camera were heard to be talking as if they were far away.  You don't notice it in most movies, but distance often isn't a true factor in how well  you can hear someone in a film.

The movie takes a good 40 minutes or so before anything even remotely interesting happens unless you count some "peeping Tom" moments early on. I suppose this is story and character building time, but like I said, I found the main lead character annoying, so I could have done with less time developing that.  Getting to the monsters and the danger in the woods takes even longer.  We're treated to some sound F/X and glimpses of shadows and scary eyes, but not much else even though our first person camera operator is shining a spotlight all over the darkness of the nighttime woods.  By this point of the film, unless you're interested in overexposed trees or underexposed monsters, there isn't much to see.  There's an attempt at some exposition by a character who is hiding.  Dylan, our camera operator, reminds us all when he ran across her earlier on because it's been so long that we're not likely to recognize her connection to the movie otherwise.

Honestly, I lost track of what was going on, but again, this could have been due to my lack of commitment to trying to follow "found footage" movies.  I do tend to zone out.

In conclusion, if found footage movies are something you like, you'll find most of the elements you expect here.  Also, a few scares at the end. Very, very solid acting with few relatable characters and not much to see F/X wise.  Oh, and a baby animal make a brief appearance in a bar scene early on that was pretty cute.  This one is more for found footage fans than monster fans and Americans will probably find the closed captions useful if dialogue and plot are important to you.  There's certainly a lot of dialogue.

Project D: Classified - Familiar Classic Sci-Fi Meets The X-Files

Okay, first read the title, "Project D: Classified" out loud.  Now, do it without pausing for the colon.  Clever, right?  You see what they did there?  You know I like a pun title. ("Jack vs Lanterns" - ahem ), so right off this movie, currently available on Amazon Prime, scores points with me.  Although, I'll be honest, I was about 30 minutes into it before I actually caught it.

The movie's premise is familiar to any sci-fi fan who likes 50s and 60s movies or 70s and 80s sci-fi TV.  The idea of an astronaut returning to Earth infected with an alien influence of some kind isn't new.  It was the foundation for 1955's "The Quatermass Xperiment" (remade several times), 1959's "First Man Into Space", an homage to that movie, "First Man On Mars", an episode of the classic "Doctor Who", "The Ark in Space" and even played a part in 1998's "Species II".   I would suggest watching at least one of these movies (If you choose only one go with "The Quatermass Xperiment") before diving into "Project D: Classified".

I believe as a nod to many of these originals, especially Qautermass, "Project D: Classified" has the alien infection first manifest itself as a single hand upon the astronaut victim.  Jeff Kirkendall does an excellent job in his role of Astronaut Brent Taylor.  His first appearance is very sympathetic and he carries that through most of the film.

For much of the time it's like watching two movies, and with a running time of over two hours it can feel like two movies at points also.  There's the drive-in horror of Astronaut Taylor on his blood lust fueled rampage through the woods and suburbs near his crash site coupled with the story of professor Crater ( Bruce G. Hallenback) and his young partner, an investigative reporter, Carl Wolf ( Sean Bagnardi) trying to unravel the mystery of the crashed spacecraft.  Meanwhile political intrigue led by Sergeant Stone ( Gary Secor ) and his two "Silencers", (Gloom and Doom) intercept the mystery hunters now and then.  A cast of other characters fill each of this simultaneous stories until the whole thing comes to a head and they intersect towards the end of the film.

Some of the F/X are clearly achieved using pre-existing props and costumes (Like the astronaut uniforms and I suspect the alien hand), but they're often augmented and used well.  Digital F/X seem to be kept to a minimum and for this movie I really liked that.

This was a very ambitious project. Washington D.C. plays a major role in this movie and location shots were used with varying effect.  Probably the only bad audio moment was when Colonel X is on the phone at the Lincoln Memorial and his dialogue is nearly drowned out by a group of school kids on a field trip just off camera.  It just doesn't seem like the situation a guy named "Colonel X" would choose to make a "need to know" phone call during.

Another sign of the ambition involved is the size of the cast.  There are so  many characters and at times this works against the movie.  Clearly Gloom and Doom are largely involved for comedy relief, even though they're portrayed as deadly hunters with no mercy.  And it works to keep the movie entertaining. But there are members of the cast whose acting falls far shorter than the rest.  For the most part the core cast is pretty solid with Jeff Kirkendall, as I mentioned, giving a stand out performance as the sympathetic man made monster.

There are quite a few action sequences, including hand to hand, swords, knives and guns.  About half of these sequences fall short of being convincing, but they're all fun to watch.  It's not easy keeping things safe on an indie budget and making it look convincing.  My fight scenes in movies like "The Lunar Pack" and "Stopped Dead" were only possible because I had pros like Mia Morse and Joel D. Wynkoop willing to help me out and do the choreography and fighting themselves.

So, a familiar but CLASSIC story with some neat modern twists, a mixed bag of acting, f/x and action and a sense of self-aware humor throughout.  What more can  you ask for?  An after credits sequence, you say?  Well stick around after the credits start rolling because this retro styled movie doesn't disappoint when it comes that modern movie convention.  And once again, we're given a clever way to achieve an ambitious scene on a modest budget.

Overall I'd say this one is for any fan of old drive-in sci-fi or anything made for TV up through the 90s.   Completists of "Men infected by space monsters" movies and TV may even want to own it.
(Oh! I just remembered, "The Six Million Dollar Man" had its own version of this where the astronaut was driven mad and given super strength by an experimental serum! The episode was "The Pioneers", season 2.)


I couldn't find a trailer, but here's a placeholder video for now with some looks behind the scenes.

Some of the other movies I mentioned.

("Quatermass Xperiment" aka, "The Creeping Unknown")

"Frankenstein's Daughter" (1958) - Classic Indie Schlock

"Frankenstein's Daughter" is currently available on Amazon Prime.  It's one of those movies I have been aware of for a long, long time.  I have seen clips from it and because of the poster I was under the misunderstanding that the make-up from "I Was a Teenage Frankenstein" was reused in this movie.  In reality, the monster in this movie was intended to be a woman (and at some points was), and was referred to as "she", but most of the time it was painfully obvious that a man was beneath the make-up of the final incarnation of the creature.

The name "Frankenstein" got thrown around a lot in B movies during the 50s.  Being in the public domain and popular culture will do that to a character.  Adaptations that were either modernizations, teenage versions of or completely unrelated to Shelley's work would carry the moniker in order to sell tickets. It was name recognition with no star to pay.

Frankenstein's offspring is the mad scientist in this one.  A grandson or great grandson, I believe.  I lost track of the lineage. But certainly not a daughter.  The "daughter" refers to the attempt to build a woman "for the first time".  Apparently "The Bride of Frankenstein" movie was being ignored here, which makes sense because only the book would have been in the public domain.

There is also a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde in the movie with a criminally under utilized "serum" that turns a girl into a rampaging, swimsuit clad monster.  An opportunity for an all female monster brawl is completely missed in this pre-60s camp classic.

For the most part the make-up is dated, but effective.  The slight touches of "gore" were probably still effective in 1958.  The final creature design, except for clearly not being female and not exuding any feminine qualities, was actually a bit original, using metal braces for support and a rubberized suit to cover most of the body so in later scenes some F/X could be played out on the lower budget.

The human villain is truly dislikeable.  The victims who surround him are mostly hapless and sort of stupid or at least naïve. From a teenage girl who accepts a "bitter" drink from him minutes after he has forced himself upon her (and after she blacked out the evening before after he made her "punch") to her uncle who neglects to tell the police that his lab assistant tried to strangle him.  This is literally seconds after the murder attempt.  The police arrive at the door, interrupt the murder and the Uncle just sort of forgets to mention it.  Horror movies would be short if the characters were smart.

As with many of these movie we're treated to a couple of musical interludes during a party populated by  "teenagers" or youngsters who look to be in their mid-30s.  The music might be reminiscent to some and comical to others, but it's certainly entertaining in some way to most.

The acting is drive-in quality, all of the technical specs, like movies from this time, are actually pretty high.  Back when everything was shot on film, even B-features had seasoned pros working on them, just with much less time and money, but they were still, for the most part, professional affairs.  The acting is similar.  More of a television quality than rehearsed film stars, but not just a bunch of people found on Craigslist who never saw a script before like we get today.

Overall, I was more impressed than I expected to be.  I definitely suggest it as a watch to anyone who likes old monster movies and hasn't managed to see this one yet.  Especially while it's still lurking around on Prime.

I for one, keep wanting to make a Frankenstein adaptation of my own.  It seems like making monster movies and not having a Frankenstein movie in my portfolio is somehow disrespectful to the genre.  (I've been in, but never directed a zombie movie.  I did have zombie like ghouls in my first vampire film, however.)  The closest I have gotten to a Frankenstein homage actually refers back to the 1931 movie.  The scene in which Frankenstein is playing with the little girl was cut short on PBS the Halloween my parents let me watch the movie as a kid.  Because of that, the scene has always interested me and when I finally saw it, the whole tone of the movie was changed.  I reversed the scene in "Bogged Down" with the mud mummy from "All Wrapped Up" (my only feature currently not available as "Prime").

"Frozen Sasquatch" - Ape run amok movie with old school flair

"Frozen Sasquatch" has shown up as a suggested movie on my Amazon feed a few times now.  Had I seen the Polonia name attached to it, I may have watched it sooner.  If you're a fan or Mark Polonia I won't need to tell you much.  You'll know what to expect for the most part.  A rubber suited monster and an ambitious plot that far exceeds the movie's budget.

To get a feel for the retro movies this is an homage to, perhaps the best example to seek out would be "Terror in the Midnight Sun".  There's no lab and experiments gone wrong in that movie, but many of the other unusual aspects of the Yeti explored in "Frozen Sasquatch" are explored there.  Also, the F/X are pretty much on par.  What was pretty cool for 1959 has become an oddity in modern cinema.  Men in monster suits are now mostly the domain of specific indie genre directors like Polonia, Thomas Berdinski ( The Giant Rubber Monster Movie 2) and myself ( Onyx Origins, Lumber vs Jack, Jack vs Lanterns ).  I still like this style of effect, although in this movie the suit used seems to be pretty "off the shelf" and the mask is ill fitting. This isn't so much a flaw as part of the charm.  This movie is for the "kid in us".  It's monsters without real scares.

The acting is either hit and miss or occasionally intentionally reminiscent of older "schlock".  I never was quite sure. There is a scene near the beginning with the team of scientists being briefed on what has happened at the facility in the Himalayas.  Most of the dialogue is shot in close up, affecting the pace and giving a it a staccato tempo, and the acting is sort of wooden.  At first I thought we were going to be treated to performances like this throughout the movie.  Sometimes a lack of rehearsal time can lead to acting that seems like characters are reading from a teleprompter.  Sometimes it's because you have a great location, but only have it for 20 minutes.  But as the scene went on I began to suspect that the wooden like acting might also have been part of the retro charm.  I feel like this was confirmed later on in the film as the story line advanced and most of the same cast members started to turn in more solid performances.  There were other moments of acting being a bit more "B" than one would like, but the core cast did a good  job for the most part.  Cast regular for these films, Jeff Kirkendall, makes an appearance and it's solid as always.  I would like to see him and Joel D. Wynkoop in something together.

This movie makes a lot of use of stock footage with breathtaking and hilarious results going hand in hand.  We get vast landscape shots of beautiful snow covered mountains intercut with the characters walking through fields of clover (with flower tops in bloom!) while an overlay of snow flutters across the screen.  Nowhere else in the movie are the budget constraints so at odds with the story.  You have to admire the tenacity it takes to film a movie about the Himalayas in a green wooded area during what appears to be Spring or Summer weather.  And props to the actors for not constantly being covered in sweat while hiking in winter clothes.  In the old days Hammer would have done this on a soundstage covered in fake snow and with painted backdrops of mountains behind the actors.  More convincing? Maybe.  As much fun? No way.

Probably the best part of this movie is that instead of it just being a monster on a rampage, there's a mystery (or several) being unraveled.  And as the story grew ( wink, wink ) I found myself being more and more drawn into it.  By the end I was so surprised at the twists it had taken I wasn't as insulted by the complete lack of actual snow or even corn flakes spray painted white like in the
"Brady Bunch".

Down to the technical.  The picture quality was all fine with true moments of excellence.  The audio was mostly good with occasional "over scrubbing" leading to that tinny quality that so many indie movies suffer from, including my own.  The score was unobtrusive. And the lighting, well it was adequate, but most of the time, pretty boring.  A lot of the movie looks like it was shot with lighting as they found it with the exception of one day for night scene that did a good job of faking firelight ( with post lighting like we did here), but essentially no effort seemed to be made to add drama through lighting.  There was one more instance of what looked like post lighting F/X, but I can't really describe it without giving away a plot point I think you should find out on your own.

If you're willing to really, really suspend your disbelief or just watch a movie and marvel at the risks a filmmaker without a budget will take to tell a story, then you're the audience "Frozen Sasquatch" needs.  It's ambitious, fun, creative and has furry monsters and a bit of blood.  Perfect for switching off the real world for awhile and enjoying a film like you used to as a kid when you stayed up past your bedtime.

Visit us at www.hocusfocusproductions.com for more retro movie monster mayhem.

Blood Redd - Matriarchs and Monsters

At first glance, "Blood Redd" seems like a run of the mill werewolf/red riding hood crossover.  It even follows that path for a good 20 minutes or so, which had me thinking maybe I had made a bad choice, but then the movie hits its stride at about the half hour mark and it evolves into a very interesting look at werewolfism.

This is going to be one of those movies that's tough to review fairly without giving too much away.  It's currently available as part of Prime and well worth the watch.  We're treated to a grotesque autopsy at the film's opening and this is pretty indicative of the gore effects to follow.  The movie is mostly solid, and at times impressive, in the special F/X department. We don't see a whole lot of our monster, but there's some great shadow work and the glimpses we do get are well worth the wait.  As a werewolf fan I was very happy with the resulting beast when I finally saw it.  But I really like practical werewolf F/X, even when they're kind of dated, like in my own "The Lunar Pack", which was all make-up, masks and fun fur.

After the autopsy we start to meet some of our characters.  In the beginning they seem like caricatures of the people populating a lot of other b-horror films, especially the teenage girls and clueless cop, but give it time.  Some of the acting seems very off the shelf, standard for indie cinema, say your lines and move on, as well, but in this movie bad actors don't last.  Not just because their characters don't live long enough, which is how some horror movies deal with the problem of "Bob really wanted to be in a movie and he let us film at his house for a role", but because as their characters developed most of the actors seemed to develop with them.  Stephanie Huller and Torey Widener are the best examples of this.  During the first act both of their characters are pretty two dimensional as the film sets  up the story and their performances reflect this, but by the end of the movie they've turned in some pretty excellent moments on screen, especially playing off of one another.

The movie's look at the werewolf, how the curse works and the way the female characters handle themselves all give it an original flair. This isn't a rollercoaster ride of werewolf attacks or simple reimagining of  "guy gets bitten and now he has to find a cure or risk killing his friends".  Instead, we're led down a path of discovery, new ideas and family bonding that is largely new to the sub genre (at least in my experience).  There are some old gags thrown around such as the wolf's hearing and sense of smell, etc.  But overall this is a very original take on werewolves that makes good use of special F/X, but doesn't rely on them as the only selling point of the movie.

From a technical standpoint the camera work ranges from mediocre to very sharp, well lit and nicely composed. The audio is the same, with only a few lines lost to characters whispering or music interference.  The  score is supportive without being terribly noticeable, which is how it should be.  My own film, "Savaged", had a completely different feel before we replaced the placeholder music with the finished score.  Music can make or break a movie and in a suspense film like this, it often improves the movie without being overtly present.  It was really only during one discussion that I questioned the score at all.

If you're a fan of werewolf movies, like suspense and are willing to watch something without "name talent" in it, then please give this one some of your time.  Do be sure to give it at least 30 minutes to grab hold of you.  I know it's unusual today to wait for a movie to develop, but the slower pace of this movie is because it's more about story telling and character growth than grabbing you by the throat and shaking scares out of you.

It's really everything an independent monster movie should be.  Thought provoking and different from the mainstream stuff a bigger studio would pump out hoping for mass appeal.

Sharkman! -More Monster and Mad Scientist Mating Mayhem

When I saw the title "Sharkman" as a recommended movie on Amazon I didn't realize that I had already seen it over a decade ago under the title "Hammerhead".

I've always been a huge fan of hammerhead sharks, so I was excited way back then to see a movie about a human-hammerhead hybrid.  The idea of mixing Shark and Human DNA to combat cancer will seem like familiar territory for fans of 1999's "Deep Blue Sea", but this movie switches it up by giving the shark a bit of the ability to walk on land.  For those who read the review of "Monsters of Carnage: The Dinobeast", you'll also find the idea of the titular monster trying to mate with human women in this film.  What's up with that?  Is it a fetish I haven't heard of?


Anyway, I started the movie, recognized as something I had seen and decided to watch it again.  Already a good sign that I had good, if not clear, memories of it.  My younger self thought the creature design was pretty great.  And it is.  The man in suit F/X were especially impressive, if never fully shown.  For full on moving shots of the creature, a CG Hammerhead monster is used.  While I applaud the technique of using specific methods for specific F/X shots, the over a decade old CG doesn't hold up well to modern eyes.  It may have even been a bit hokey back then, but for a TV movie (I think this was a "Sci-fi original") it's acceptable.  Practical F/X were used for most of the gore and it was usually done pretty effectively.

This movie is a bit horror, a bit sci-fi and a lot of old school "Jungle Adventure" movie, with our heroes stuck on an island with a mad scientist.  The look for an escape while dealing with a monster, crazy jungle mutations (like killer vines.  I love killer vines- see "Lumber vs Jack" for proof of that.) and the mad scientist's henchman.  Somehow these guys who lose their jobs for breaking ethical ideals always wind up rich enough to hire gun toting henchmen.  As an escape the island jungle adventure, I think it's pretty effective, right down to William Forsythe's character, who we're told is an IT expert, showing great proficiency with a gun, hand to hand combat and basic survival skills.  I don't know if we ever find out about his military background or if we're just supposed to assume all IT workers are secretly jungle badasses.

Technically the movie has very little to complain about it.  It's a professional production with an occasional effect, such as bullet hits, that don't work.  Over all though, a great looking film with good audio and solid acting from an established cast.  A rarity for my reviews, I know, but this movie was on a budget level that most of the filmmakers I review here would have used to make a franchise of 10 movies.

The real problems come with the suspension of disbelief.  Why does being part hammerhead shark make our creature bullet proof.  Bullets seem to annoy it at worst, yet tranquilizer darts can penetrate its thick skin.  Or maybe the people with AK-47s just keep missing?  Also, why are they storing so much gasoline on this island?  I get it, they can't just go to the local station to fill up their two "Jeeps" and helicopter, but they've got tanks and barrels of flammable liquids all over the place.

If you're a fan of old island adventure movies with a bit of monster action thrown in ( I know I am!) then this movie is certainly worth a watch.  Lots of action, a serviceable plot and Jeffrey Combs playing the mad scientist bent on revenge with a pretty solid motivation for his crazy antics.

Expect a few clearly stupid moves on the parts of the characters, a couple of two dimensional throw away people for the shark to eat and a lot more explosions than your run of the mill horror movie.

For more TRULY FREE monster movie fun visit: Midnight Pulp !

Monsters of Carnage aka The Dinobeast!

"Monsters of Carnage" a.k.a. "Monsters of Carnage: The Dinobeast"  is currently available on Amazon Prime and I think is probably a good choice for "watch before you buy", so here's your chance.  This movie is likely gold to its target audience and a best a disturbing curiosity to anyone else.

Most of the plot is pretty straight forward, monster hunters and treasure hunters clash in the woods while being picked off by a legendary beastie.  Fun, right?  Throw in some all knowing townspeople who are hiding something and you have a real 70s drive-in throw back.  But this movie takes a page from the old 1970 movie "Bigfoot", starring John Carradine and Joi Lansing.  In that movie the titular creature is seeking out human women to mate with.  In "The Dinobeast", things get graphic.  If you've ever seen my movie, "Alien Vengeance" and found the initial probe scene to be disturbing, then expect this one to cause you to really squirm in your seat.

Ratings on IMDB are pretty respectable with a 5.2 average, but there is only one actual review and it's pretty short, starting with the phrase, "It's awful!"  A lot of the rest of that review is inaccurate.  The movie is not "dimly-lit".  In fact, most of it takes place outside during the day.  "Overcast" perhaps, but lit by nature most of the time. The same review claims there are "no F/X to speak of."  Amazon reviewers were largely less kind than IMDB raters, so here I am adding my opinion to the pile.  Now that I've reviewed the reviews, back to the movie.

To start, the score was mostly awful, but I'm going to guess that if you're a fan Skullhouse pictures, you'll like the music.  I honestly fast forwarded the opening the credits just to not have to hear it.  The rest of the audio is a mixed bag.  Some is inaudible, but most of the time you can hear what people are saying.  It's not polished audio, but it's there and gets the lines across.

The aforementioned F/X actually do deserve some speaking of.  Some of them are hokey, straight from the Halloween store F/X, but there were one or two inspired bits of gore (accompanied by screeching musical score).  The monster suit was outstandingly cheesy, but menacing.  True to the movie's drive-in vibe.  Lots of teeth, big claws and a sort of "shell" like body that makes you believe bullets might not be all that effective.

Aside from the monster, the rest of the characters are pretty two dimensional.  The mercenaries are cardboard cutouts of movie mercenaries.  One of them even wears a Rambo-esque Bandana. The monster hunters are similar.  The smart girl, the dumb hunk, the sleazy professor who gets them all into trouble in the first place, etc.  And the townsfolk are the keepers of the secrets we've come to expect in movies like this.  I will say this, the cast was huge for an obviously independent movie.  Lots of characters to keep track of and lots of potential food for The Dinobeast.  As for the acting among this huge cast, well, it runs the gamut.  We have some terrible acting with one character saying lines and clearly emphasizing words that seem like they changed the intent of the statement to downright talented people turning in pretty strong performances.   Most of the younger members of the cast who seem uncomfortable with their craft clearly have "something" that can develop into talent with time.  Others appear to have wanted to be in a movie and knew somebody.  The scenes in the bar seemed to have the largest range of emotions and the most actual acting going on.  I know that outdoor scenes can be distracting because you're afraid of being too loud and most of the time a mosquito is buzzing in  your ear.  Heck, on "Lumber vs Jack" we had an orange cat that would constantly visit and waltz through the scene when we were supposed to be deep in the woods.

So, if you can stand the musical score, forgive 2 dimensional characters, deal with large variations in acting ability and aren't scared off by the idea of a monster trying to impregnate human women, give Tommy Brunswick's "Monsters of Carnage: The Dinobeast" a spin.

I couldn't find a trailer on YouTube for Dinobeast, so here's one for my movie "Alien Vengeance". Check it out, back when I made this, I thought music like this was cool.  Maybe it's my age.

InALIENable - Sci-Fi Courtroom Drama

"InALIENable"  is available on Amazon Prime and Midnight Pulp (where it is truly free instead of "Included with Prime").  Midnight Pulp also hosts a few of my movies, including, both "Alien Vengeance" films, my short film starring Joel D. Wynkoop and Nicola Fiore, "Shelter",  my epic man vs monsters movie, "Lumber vs Jack" and the road drama, "Stopped Dead".   (Okay, there's my self-indulgent promotion for this blog.)  There's lots to see there for free if you're willing to sit through an ad or two every ten minutes or so.

Back to the movie at hand, "InAlienable", starring Richard Hatch and written by Walter  Koenig. These two recognizable names of epic sci-fi shows aren't alone.  The cast is a veritable "who's who" of Star Trek players with Koenig playing a villain, Marina Sirtis showing up later in the movie as an attorney and Tim Russ making a cameo as a newscaster, to name a few.  Hatch leads up the cast with Courtney Peldon playing his love interest.

With such a cast you would expect the acting to be top notch, and while everyone turned in a capable performance a lot of the time I felt more like I was watching the rehearsals than the final takes.  This is often the case with lower budget productions.  There isn't a lot of time for actors to get into their roles, rehearse with other cast members or feel out the relationships between characters.  In the case of "Inalienable" things like deep feelings between characters felt forced and rushed at times.

The movie plays more like an extra long episode of "The Other Limits".  In fact, if you've seen the "I, Robot" episodes of that show (either, the classic or updated versions), then you have seen most of the concepts touched on within this movie, with the exception of the genetics involved.

At first I thought the movie was being very clever, using an unseen parasite that we get to view an X-ray of, to play the menacing alien.  I was looking forward to a bit of a Val Lewton "don't show them the monster" type of story, where the characters are the focus and the creature is just the impetus.  Not long after we see the human/alien hybrid and it's pretty outstanding.  Especially for a movie that shied away from using CG in 2007.  The puppet was fantastic.  Later on we get some man in make-up effects that are less convincing, but still on par with the TV sci-fi vibe that the movie had set up by that point.

Eventually the movie turns into a courtroom drama about who or what deserves "human rights".  Again, we enter "I, Robot" territory, but with an organic entity at the center of the debate.  The pace really slows to a drag here, but honestly there was very little action to be had even up to this point.

There is a subplot of Koenig's character hating Hatch's character, but for some reason we don't find out the motivation for that hatred until near the end of the movie.  Perhaps it was hinted at through some of the cryptic dialogue and I missed it. You'll have to watch for yourself in order to know.  Tell me if you figure out their dynamic before it is clearly spelled out toward the end.  I would love to know what clued you in on it.

The ending left me unsatisfied and no more informed on the topic of human alien relationships or what makes a being deserving of protections under the law than I was two hours earlier before I watched the movie.

It was a way to kill a rainy day (which the past week has been for me) while I waited for some guests to arrive.

If you're in the mood for sci-fi action and running from spooky aliens, skip this one. (In fact, maybe try one of my "Alien Vengeance" movies, even though they're more "whodunits" than action movies).  If, on the other hand, you want to do some deep thinking and can stand to watch a few very awkward relationships play out on screen, consider giving this a shot.  I think it would make a better book or maybe an unusual science fiction play.

"Prey: In Cold Blood" - Lots of kills, but nobody you'll miss

"Prey: In Cold Blood" is one of those movies that kind of mixes survivalism with horror and throws in a  bit of relationship drama for good measure.  It's not really a genre I usually enjoy, even though I made two suspense movies that fit the category ("Stopped Dead" and "Indiscretions").  But, someone posted it in the Indie Streams Facebook group, where I actually encourage folks to share movies for review and it's on Prime, so I gave it a watch.

I was surprised.  I actually enjoyed it less than I expected to.  I'm sorry, you guys know I'm usually not hard on indie movies and this one doesn't deserve my wrath more than any other, but it just was not my pint of beer. There wasn't one character who I actually liked.  I sympathized with a couple, but only because they were surrounded by people even more annoying than they were.  It was one of those movies where all of the characters are kind of jerks.  Is that realistic?  Maybe, but it doesn't leave you anyone to really root for in the end.

Heck, the first two characters we meet I just kept hoping one of them would kill the other because I couldn't stand the thought of watching them for 90 minutes.  You know it's a bad sign when the first bit of action occurs, you say to yourself, "Finally!" and then check the run time and realize it's only been five minutes.  I know, I'm guilty of a six minute monologue at the opening of the "Jack vs Lanterns", but there's a reason for that.  I kept forgetting my lines and didn't leave enough edit points to trim it down much.  ( I didn't say it was a good reason.)

I think most of the acting was pretty solid. I don't think we were meant to like most of the characters, I didn't and so the cast did their job there.  Some of the cinematography was excellent and the locations were great.  Some was average.  None really hit me as bad.  The audio, on the other hand, was greatly flawed at the beginning.  Like most movies shot outside, audio was hit and miss when they were near a road or in the car.  Once at the main location, in the house, things get easier to understand, so stick with it if the audio is making  you think of tuning out.


The entire middle third (probably about half the running time) of the movie is mostly our annoying characters talking about why they hate each other.  A bit of the story of stolen gold comes into play here, and then they all start acting like cartoon characters trying to get their hands on "the riches".

Then things go wrong, the movie takes off and we start weeding out the unlikeable cast.  I hate to suggest fast forwarding an indie movie on Prime, because we're paid by the minute, but if you're thinking of tuning in the middle, skip to the end.  Things do pick up and don't stop until the credits roll.  Well, maybe they slow down a bit.

So, if you're up for a bit of "Lifetime" channel style drama with your action-adventure horror in the woods and you can get over the fact that the group of friends are more middle-aged instead of college aged, even though they play spin the bottle and "I've never" as if they're in high school, then  you might enjoy this movie.


If you prefer straight out blood and guts action, you'll enjoy about a third of this movie, so have a snack ready or someone to talk to during the slower bits.

Horror Comedy Movies about People in the Movie Business

Bringing you a review of two movies today.  This is partly because they're very loosely related, partly because I watched them back to back and largely because neither really has enough "meat" to merit it's own review.

I saw these both on Amazon Prime.  The two movies are: "Knock `em Dead" and "Caesar and Otto's Summer Camp Massacre".

A quick disclaimer needs to be stated here.  I am starting a new gig soon and was studying and making notes for it during both of these movies.  I REALLY don't think it affected my ability to follow the very thin plot lines, but I may have missed a visual or two that could have  improved my experience.   I know most people are distracted when watching movies at home now, so I feel distracted watching sometimes gives a more realistic review experience.  I may check my phone or play with the dog or do some other "home chore" that anyone else running a movie as a distraction may do, but I feel like it deserves to be mentioned when I am actively participating in something else.  I know it's not entirely fair to the movie, but I think the thing that really takes you "out" of both of these films is their insider's peak into the film industry.

"Knock 'Em Dead" is a David DeCoteau film with a killer cast, if you're a fan of 80s and 90s T.V.  Rae Dawn Chong, Anne-Marie Johnson and Debra Wilson play out of work, down on their luck actresses, each facing a different major life hurdle.  Rae Dawn Chong turns in the best performance of the bunch, but Anne-Marie Johnson and Debra Wilson do a great job of delivering over the top, tongue in cheek, b-movie dialogue driven performances.  For much of the film their characters are putting up a front, and so the nature of their acting fits that characterization.  You'll recognize other cast members as well, including Jackee Harry and Betsy Russel.  The whole cast does a fine to good job.

The plot is pretty straight forward.  A group of actors and filmmakers, who did a very popular horror movie a decade earlier, are brought back together, on a private island, to take a shot at making a sequel.  They all parted ways on terrible terms all those years ago, but now they're left with no opportunities, except this one.  Once on the island for a weekend of shooting, with no cell phones and no contact with the outside world, things start to go wrong.  (This isn't a surprise.)  As the bodies pile up, a mystery starts to form and a bit of comedy finds its way into the mix, but really, there weren't many big laughs.  It was more of the characters making fun of each other with tired old insults. (Check the trailer below.)  The kills are unique to say the least.  Everything is used from wild animals to explosives.  We're told these are kills following the ones from the original movie, but we've never seen the original movie, so we sort of find this out after the fact and I think that hurts the impact a bit.

By the end there aren't many suspects left, but I was still guessing most of the way through.  Meanwhile, our three stars get to start liking each other again, all the while worrying if they'll make to morning, never mind Monday.  It plays very much like a TV movie from the 80s.


Technically, it's solid, with decent to good lighting throughout, clean enough sound, and special effects ranging from "wow that was bad" to "hey that was better than I expected".

If you're a fan of the core cast, give it a watch, otherwise it's more or less a movie worth having on your radar, but not worth watching over something else.


Now, for "Summer Camp Massacre", Dave Campfield stars, writes and directs this homage to slasher in the woods movies. (A man after my own heart.) I looked up some of his other work and found that Caesar and Otto are recurring characters in several movies like this.  I'm going to guess that if you like Caesar and Otto, you'll like Caesar and Otto in this.  It took me awhile to warm up to the characters and completely off the wall style.  Imagine "Airplane" or "Police Squad" as horror movies and directed by Lloyd Kaufmann while starring a guy doing his best impression of Lloyd acting like a bad actor.


I honestly don't know how else to describe it.


This one did require a bit more of my attention to keep up. Several of the jokes were visuals that were inconsistent with Caesar's account of things.  Again we're treated to jokes about life in L.A. and the film industry, which I really think are only funny to people who are in or know people in the film industry.  I guess that covers a lot more people now than it used to, but still, inside industry jokes always limit your audience.

Another set of jokes and plot devices relies on the audience knowing horror movies.  In a horror comedy, this is a bit more useful, since the viewer is likely to have seen at least a few horror movies.  Felissa Rose turns in a fine performance.


Again, for what appears to be a VERY low budget indie, this movie is technically solid.  Some of the camera work and lighting is extremely uninspired, but none of it is distractingly bad.  The audio is mostly solid and the effects are appropriately and intentionally cheesy.

The only real complaint is that if you don't relate to one of the loser brother characters of Otto of Caesar, you'll have nobody to like or relate to in this movie.  Definitely one for Troma fans or fans of horror who like to laugh at themselves and the genre they love.

If after these flicks you're looking for more monstrous laughs, go buy my DVD set of "Lumber vs Jack" and "Jack vs Lanterns".  (For a limited time that $25 includes shipping in the U.S.)

"Bog" - A Monster Movie Too Intelligent for its Own Good

"Bog" (1979) is an old school, B-title monster movie with a lot of the right elements and a few of the wrong ones.

On the side of "Creature Feature Right", the movie had a big, humanoid, lumbering monster with odd shaped claws that tore through doors like so much balsa wood and which could shake off bullets the way a bear shakes off honey bees.  We're treated mostly to extreme close-ups of the most impressive parts of the creature costume and left with poorly lit or extremely far away shots of the full costume.  This leaves our imagination to put together the full image.  I like that they covered what were likely short comings in the suit in the way most low budget movies did, by not giving us a good look at it, but they missed an opportunity to give us a good idea of what it looked like when a sketch artist draws a picture of it.  The characters pass around the sketch pad and look at it, each reacting to the horror on the page, but the audience isn't even given a brief glimpse of the monster's penciled image.  Even I let people catch a glimpse of "Cat-man-Do" in "Indiscretions" after Old Tom (Mike Christopher) sketched him.  And we hid the actor's/creature's face nearly the whole movie because we only had make-up for him on one day.


Another "right" is the cast.  These aren't big movie names that everyone will know, but all recognizable faces if you watched TV at the time.  They were seasoned actors (there's not one leading cast member who was under 40 at the time of filming.).  And this is where the cast becomes a bit of a "wrong" too.  I have nothing against adults playing adults, but movies like this tended to be for younger audiences and there was nobody for them to connect to in this flick.  As for me, it made for a lot of characters I could relate to and I enjoyed that for a change.  In recent years watching teenagers be stupid in the face of danger has gotten more annoying than entertaining.  So, it's a solid cast, but a mixed bag on the fact that some audience members may find nobody relatable to root for.

There was also an odd love story included between the two doctors.  Not odd in a real world sense, but unusual to have two mature characters actually be the central romantic characters in a horror movie.  Usually you see that more in a Western.  The other problem I had with the love story is that is sort of drifted in just to create a damsel in distress situation later.  It wasn't necessary enough to warrant slowing down the action.

And that's this movie's biggest failing, even though it's one of the things I enjoyed the most about it.  It got bogged down in the science.  The two doctors were constantly discussing the creature's physical characteristics.  How and why it sucked blood.  Where it may have come.  What animals it was like.  I love science in my sci-fi, but this script had two problems.  One, creature features generally have a very lose sense of science to keep the action moving.  They don't get tied  up in a lot of details.  T.V. and low budget movies may use this dialogue as filler ( I know I have ) and that's okay IF, in the end the science all leads to at least one of two things:

1. Where the creature came from.
2. An effective method to stop it.

If either of these things resulted from the science talk, I missed it happen.  So, while interesting in each incident, it built  up to very little. So, too much science for a B-monster flick AND it turned out it was pointless science that didn't even help to resolve the problem.

The final and big "right" this B-monster flick had going for it?  It seemed like one of those movies the whole town was in on shooting.  Police and fire trucks were involved.  We got a big confrontation between the monster and the townspeople.  It gave the movie a scale that a smaller production like it may not of had without support from the town.

Overall, it makes for  good late night or rainy day viewing if you like old school monsters.  No flashy CGI here.  Just a guy, in a suit, which you don't see much of, sucking blood out of townspeople and carrying off women.

This trailer is actually a pretty accurate representation of the movie.  They do spend a lot of time asking, "What is it?" and never answering that question.

And the trailer for "Indiscretions", mentioned above.

If you like cheesy monster movies, we've got one for you!

Grab your DVD copy at www.hocfocprod.com/jackvslanterns 

 

"Mad Cow" - Self Aware Camp Done Right

The movie "Mad Cow" (2010) has been showing up in my Amazon Feed for awhile now.  The cover art wasn't shy about he lead creature's costuming being a bit "guy in fuzzy pajamas", and so I put off watching it for quite awhile.


If  you're looking for strict horror, keep looking, but if  you're searching for laughs with gory moments, this movie is for you.  "Mad Cow" is one of those films with a title that should tell you that you're not in for a very serious 90 minutes (Sort of like "Lumber vs Jack" or "Jack vs Lanterns" ).  The movie is distributed by Troma, so there's another clue that it's bound to have a campy edge.  And, like so much modern camp, it was aware from moment one that it would be a campy movie.  Unlike many other campy movies, however, this one doesn't shy away from its comedic nature.


Right from the opening it makes it clear that you should expect jokes and it keeps delivering.  It's got an almost "Airplane" (1980) quality to it in its absurdity.

The movie involves an experiment to reanimate the dead and create a super soldier, but something goes wrong with the intended head and a hapless assistant is sent out to secure a new one.  What she finds is a barn, so she returns with the head of a cow (a nod to Frankenstein and the abnormal brain ).  The result is a man/cow hybrid which is enraged whenever someone eats meat or uses dairy.

Leads, Tanya Van Graan and Greg Viljoen turn in solid performances.  They keep the acting "straight" through the most absurd circumstances.  The rest of the cast is hit and miss on talent, but overall they fit the tone of the movie.  Some over the top, some very understated and one incredibly self-aware that she's in a movie and it makes for a perfect performance.

Technically it's well shot and the audio quality is fine throughout.  The special F/X range from quirky to silly, but again, they all fit into the patchwork that is this film that knows it's a film and never once pretends to be as serious as the people who are acting in it seem to be.

Self aware camp can go wrong in so many ways, but this movie had me laughing even when many of the jokes were clichés from other campy movies.  The one or two really creative gags made up for the run of the mill stuff.

It's not "Young Frankenstein" (1974), but for an indie effort with an IMDB reported budget of $50K, it's impressive.  Definitely worth a 3 AM watch if you have a Prime Membership and want something funny with a chainsaw wielding, vegetarian, animal headed monster in it.

The trailer really doesn't do it justice.

Oh, and if you're looking for something short and silly to watch, may I suggest giving "X-24" a view.  At the end of July 2018 it will no longer be "free with ads" on Amazon. To give you an idea of the type of monster movie it is, the working title was "Monster Mop" and it was shot in about 8 hours for $4. (I had to buy a fresh mop head because the used one was too disgusting for any of us to handle without gloves on.)

Brewier Welch stars in "X-24"

Looking for Sci-Fi on YouTube

Hello, gang!

I know some of you who follow this are filmmakers yourselves and I've got a request.  I have a "Sci-Fi Marathon" Playlist on YouTube that has shrunk considerably because of disappearing channels and I'm guessing the inclusion of some videos the original posters never should have put up.

Well, it has come to my attention that the SyFy Channel WILL NOT be marathoning "The Twilight Zone" this year for the 4th of July.  So, I'm thinking we'll share our Sci-Fi Marathon again to give sci-fi fans something to watch.  Right now it's at 37 titles, but some of those are shorts and some are older movies, so just about an hour.  I'd guess we still hit the 24 hour mark pretty easily, but I'd like to flesh it out with some new blood, so if you have Sci-Fi shorts or features on YouTube and want them included in the Playlist, please share the links below and I'll try to get them in there.

Thanks.

"After School Massacre" is Mostly What You Expect

So, I was searching for the classic, "Slumber Party Massacre", which I don't think I've ever seen, on Prime Video.  I'm too cheap to pay to see it and too honest to pirate it, but feel as a genre reviewer, I need to see it. Well, it's "currently unavailable" on Prime, but this alternative, "After School Massacre" showed up in the search.  It was free.  I was ready to see a movie.  I watched it.  I felt dirty.

Rather than a trailer, I give you cast interviews. You hear that music in the background?

Every piece of music in the film was like this and competed with the dialogue

for space in  your ears.  It was torture.

"After School Massacre" is the type of movie that in the VHS days was wildly popular.  It has lots of young women, scantily clad, being stalked by a killer.  Unfortunately, there was no clear heroine in this movie.  What there was were a couple of unique kills (what are the odds that my curling iron scene from "Jack vs Lanterns" would be topped in a flick I had never seen?)  Watch for an interesting way to use a mailbox.  There's the jerky mail character, the nerdy murder fodder, a kind of bumbling cop and basically a population of inept adults.  These are all necessary ingredients to the B-movie slasher flick.

The lighting and camera work range from okay to impressive.  The outdoor stuff makes far better use of lighting and color than the indoor shots, which I think is strange.  Usually indies have more time and control when shooting indoors than they do on the street. The atmosphere of the indoor shots really could have benefited from post lighting.  But overall, it was acceptable.  The performances by the main characters were mostly pretty good.  The killer and the goofy boyfriend were way over the top, but I'm pretty sure they were going for that.  The rest of the cast was capable to comical.  Again, probably intentional given the tone of the movie.  

It's one of those movies where if you watch it in the right mood, you can tell everyone making it was having a good time.  That's one reason I shared the cast interviews instead of the trailer.  Sometimes an indie film's best feature is the behind the scenes energy that makes it to the screen.

The other reason I shared the interviews is to get that point across about the music.  The score is at constant odds with the dialogue.  I'm not sure if the dialogue recordings were all poor and so the music was put there to mask it or if the dialogue was fine and ruined by the music. (I know in "Lumber vs Jack", the scene where they discover the tree fungus on the guard, that music was chosen to mimic the mic dropping because we had broken a cable the night before).  Of all the little quirks movies like this tend to have, this was the only one that made it difficult to watch.  Prepare yourself for that and strap in for a throwback to VHS horror fun.

More on that post  lighting process.

Uberzombiefrau ! - Nazi Zombie Indie with a Small Giantess?

What can I say about "Uberzombiefrau"?  Not a whole lot, actually because:
A. The audio and attempts at German accents made it nearly impossible to understand about 30% of the dialogue, so I had trouble keeping up with the story.  I may have enjoyed the movie more if I had turned on the captions.
B. I fell asleep at one point, but because of point A didn't bother to rewind and rewatch what I had slept through.

"Uberzombiefrau" is a very ambitious indie movie in the very specific subgenre of "Nazi Zombies".  It has one or two interesting twists and an looks like overall it was trying to be a bit reminiscent of the "Ilsa"  movies of the 70s, but with nearly none of the sexual overtones of those movies. Bella Demente plays General Markus, and while statuesque, she isn't presented nearly as gigantic as the cover art used on Amazon Prime Video suggests.

The movie has a very impressive IMDB rating of 7.3!  Not bad for something with an estimated budget of $10,000.  The castle location is cinematic and well used, there are tons of extras for a smaller movie, and stock footage is MOSTLY used to good effect.  (A Black and White clip snuck in there.  Normally I wouldn't care, but it was a completely unnecessary shot and could have been left out.  I was wondering if it was used on purpose as an in joke for fans of such films, but then I would think a bit more out of place footage should have been used to help the joke stand out.)

The "problems" with the movie are evident in the opening scene, so once you watch that, if you stick around, at least you know what you're in for as the film progresses.  Much like the six minute opener of "Jack vs Lanterns" or the Refrigerator Scene in "Crystal Skulls".  In "Uberzombiefrau" we have a bit of an action sequence with an experiment on the dead going wrong.  The zombie costume is mostly impressive, but for some reason a close up of the zombie's un-decayed feet hitting the floor is used and we're also treated to a shot of the back of his head, which reveals the slit on the back of the rubber Halloween mask being used.  It's a high quality mask, but the slit sort of gives it away. (You'll notice the Lantern King in "Jack vs Lanterns" USUALLY wears a hood).  So, if you're prepared to accept small flubs like those, and realize that you probably hadn't understood anything that was said up to this point (seriously, turn on those closed captions if plot is important) then by all means, keep watching.  There will be some shaky keying F/X and explosions with nearly no sound, but towards the end of the movie there is a lot of zombie action.


It doesn't say so in the trivia, but I suspect what we see is some reenactors as zombies shambling around the live F/X they would use during an outing.  The use of "smoke" cannons is great, but far too quiet to sell as grenades exploding.  Several actors mime firing their weapons, but with little sound F/X and no muzzle flashes.  The zombies are made up to varying degrees too, with hands largely ignored (I'm guilty of this from time to time too.)  One really annoyed me though.  Since the zombies have controllers in their skulls, we're told by an Ally forces Scientist that shooting them in the head is the effective way to stop them.  Then we watch as one zombie, wearing a mask with the top of his head blown off, chases characters around in several scenes.

Oh, and watch for the orange tips on the hero's guns.  Seriously, some electrical tape or a sharpie could have fixed that.

I would suggest skipping to the end.  The chaos of the final assault on the Zombie Headquarters was worth the price of admission (that being included with Prime in this case).

If you're a zombie fan, Nazi monster fan, retro horror fan or fan of cheesy movies, then this one might be worth a watch.  Let's face it, if you're reading my blog, you likely fall into one of those categories...or you're related to me.