Things 5 - Needs More Monsters

 "Things 5" is free on Tubi TV and free is a really good price for it.
I saw it two nights ago and honestly, most of what I remember is the beginning.  A Woman says: "Warning this movie contains gratuitous nudity." The camera then pans to a topless a woman who says, "And gratuitous monster!" and a hairy suited monster walks by grunting and then a blood covered guy exclaims that we'll also see "Gratuitous gore."

It's a good set up to not take the movie seriously at all.  Why should you? The filmmakers didn't.  There's either a lot going on in this movie, or nothing.  I had trouble telling and honestly, I was working a bit while I watched it, so I may have missed some story.

The movie delivered on the amount of nudity.  There was more than enough of it.  Nearly every female cast member found time for a shower.  If showers and simulated sex scenes are your thing and you want them to be occasionally interrupted by a plot so  you can feel  like you're watching it for the horror, this may be your movie.

If you're an old creature feature fan, like myself, you'll likely be disappointed.  The monster suits are at times creative, but mostly Halloween costume quality.  I do not hold this against a movie.

See my own flick, "Kramped" for how much I dig a good man in a suit with a zipper running down the back movie.

There was also  a multi eyed puppet eyed kind of thing that was pretty cool, but you could barely see it.

So, while some of the monsters had potential to be cool, they didn't get a lot of screen time and there was very little back story to them.  We didn't know why each was what it was and none of them seemed particularly hard to kill.  They did seem to be attracted by showers, however.  Maybe taking baths would be safer in this town until the monsters are rounded up.

There was a lot of talk about a party we never see because, I think, all of the guests are dead before it happens.  So, no party slaughter scene.  I think that was just an excuse to cross the characters on the phone without having to have them interact in real life. It's actually a pretty clever no budget trick.  It's tough getting 15 unpaid people together around regular work schedules.

Did I miss some major plot device from one of the other "Things" movies?  Maybe.  I have only also found "Things 4" for free on Tubi so far, so I won't be going back too far.
Would I watch "Things 5" again?  Only if I forgot I have already seen it.  It happens when you watch this many oddball movies.

Acting was about what you would expect for a film of this type with one or two stand outs.
Gore was present, but not as present as the nudity.
Obligatory shower scenes and "photo shoot" sequences a plenty.
Monster triple threat.

Also, for some reason, my page changed format mid-blogging.  I don't know how to fix that, so we've all got problems, right?