Guardians - If the Fantastic Four were Born in Russia

I'm not even sure how to review this here.  If you just watched that trailer,  you know what to expect.

This is a fun movie with a sort of alternate universe Fantastic Four.  They've got an invisible girl and a guy who turns into a bear. There is dude who controls rocks with his mind, but at one point wears them like armor, looking a bit like Ben Grim and a character with super speed who is also sort of a samurai, I guess.  Full disclosure, I've wanted to see this movie since the trailer dropped a long time ago because my comic of Hulk fighting the Soviet Super Soldiers was a favorite of mine as a kid and this group reminded me a lot of them on the surface. (Especially Ursa Major, the man-bear).

I confess, I watched the English Dub version.  This was a switch my brain off and enjoy some down time while I hung out with the dog kind of movie.  Reading subtitles wasn't something I wanted to deal with.  That said, it means I can't fairly judge the acting of the original cast.  Some of the facial expressions are over the top and one moment the villain honestly just looks like he is listening to the director waiting to hear the word "action" or is rehearsing possible  shocked faces and those takes somehow made it into the final film.  Another place it's hard to gauge a dubbed movie is the script.  Some dialogue may seem too formal for the situation or jokes just fall flat.  Occasionally the story goes off on a weird tangent and you're not sure if it was written that poorly originally or if something was lost in the translation.  I'm still not sure what everyone's super power really was.  Not entirely, but was I distracted, was it never made it clear or was it not translated properly? I can't say.

So, without being able to be harsh on the story or acting I'm left judging the F/X and action.  Let's face it, the 8 year old in me was watching for those elements anyway.  Honestly, the only special F/X that disappointed were the were-bear.  He just looked too cartoonish at times.  But, when it comes to monsters I prefer a really complicated suit and that's just not how they do things anymore (most of the time). Also, I had that preconceived childhood notion of what a Russian man-bear would be.  The rest of the graphics, from the battle drones that look like the Arachnids from "Starship Troopers" had a love child with Ed-209 of "Robocop" fame, to the real military planes and cities being destroyed, looked like either the best T.V. movies have to offer or the lower end of what you'd expect from big screen movies.  Since this film's budget is rumored to be the equivalent of about $5 million, that's AMAZING.  Really, it's a good looking movie all around.

A sequel is teased at and I , for one, want to see it.  Like a reviewer on IMDB quipped, this movie is worth watching just to see a bear with a mini-gun (no spoiler there if you watched the trailer).  Don't expect a great motive from the villain, don't expect a lot of originality concerning the character's  super powers, how they got them or how they use them and do try to enjoy the silliness of the scenes during the first act when they're "getting the band back together".

If you can shut off your adult cynicism for awhile, I think you'll like this one.  I've always wanted to do a super hero movie, but the closest I've gotten is probably Debbie Rochon as Colonel Onyx in the "Alien Vengeance" movies.  Meanwhile, if you want to see "Guardians", I caught it on Amazon Prime.

Firehead - Fletch meets Sci-Fi Schlock

Have you ever wondered what "Fletch" would have been like if Chris Lemmon played the role, he was a scientist and was caught up in a cold war plot with a telekinetic cyborg as his sidekick? Apparently the creators of "Firehead" did and the results were about as ridiculous as you'd expect, but in a really fun 80s kind of way.


I saw this gem on Amazon Prime Video. Much like the previously reviewed "Terror Within", "Firehead" has a great cast.  Chris Lemmon plays the unwilling scientist turned action hero perfectly, Christopher Plummer is a great secret society villain and Martin Landau makes just long enough of an appearance to give the movie some credence as a sci-fi espionage cult classic.

The movie was made in 1991, so the special F/X are kind of at the end of the whole "wow, look laser beams" phase of things before anyone with a laptop could make simple glow F/X happen on screen.  Still, they're fine for the story telling.

I mentioned that the movie reminded me of "Fletch" and really, with Chris Lemmon running around in a ball cap, cracking jokes and making innuendos whenever there was a lull I did keep expecting to hear that wonder "Fletch" score in the background.  I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but I did find it kind of strange and distracting.  I liked the "Fletch" movies enough for what they were, but never imagined they were something someone else would want to emulate, no less in an action sci-fi movie.

As far as the action goes, there was plenty of it, but much of it was sloppy.  Lots of shooting with no cover but nobody getting hit.  Fight scenes that looked like they knew who supposed to win, but didn't really choreograph anything and stuff like that.  Kind of like late 70s TV show fighting where Buck Rogers would kick a guy and that looked cool, but then he would just shove another guy, because only the kick was scripted and they never bothered to think out the rest.  I admit, I was guilty of  this sort of thing myself, but every since "The Lunar Pack"  I have been blessed to usually have a fight coordinator on set who took care of those details.  (Notable exceptions are Jack vs Lanterns and Lumber vs Jack and it shows in my campier fight sequences.)

But, enough about me, back to "Firehead".  Overall I think it's a kind of forgettable movie and it's not something I think anyone needs to rush out and see, but if you miss the days of being able to turn on a premium cable station and see a random action comedy, this movie is worth a watch.  As far as "buddy" movies go it's not bad either.  Don't expect it all to make sense.  Don't look for mindboggling special F/X, but do pay attention for clichés and some quick fire jokes from Lemmon.

Take special notice of the clip they use for "high speed chases".

The Terror Within and The Terror Within II - Watch, Rinse, Repeat

Both The Terror Within and The Terror Within II are available on Amazon Prime (as of this writing).  Both star Andrew Stevens.  Both involve mutant monsters chasing isolated people around enclosed places.  And both involve those monsters having a strong desire to mate with human women. (Maybe only male mutants survived? I don't think that's ever explained.

I love a good monster movie.  And even some bad ones.  These fall somewhere in the middle.  The first is definitely the superior movie, even though the second expands the post apocalyptic world a good deal and is a worthy sequel.  These are late 80s and early 90s features with no CGI for the creature F/X.


The "Gargoyle" mutant in the first film is a pretty obvious suit, but the design is fairly original and it does come across as menacing.  The beasts in the sequel range from this look to much more human looking monstrosities  with less of a "mask" look and one of them walks around the whole time looking as if it is covered in blood.


"The Terror Within" has a much more claustrophobic feel, mostly because only the very beginning takes place outside.  Once the creature finds a way into the compound the chase is on in dark corridors, hidden corners and ducts.  There's always ducts big enough to  hold monsters in sci-fi horror from the 80s.

"The Terror Within II" has many more outdoor scenes, a human settlement, a side story with female sacrifices, more characters to act as monster happy meals and yet somehow, eventually manages to repeat almost all of the first movie.  The only reason this REALLY bothered me is that David (Andrew Stevens ) makes all of the mistakes he should have learned from the first time around and the results are very predictable.

The first film had a killer cast with George Kennedy, Andres Stevens and Terri Treas all turning in expectedly good performances.  The real stand out for me, however, was Butch (Stevens).  I tend to watch dogs in films pretty closely and this one really did look to David (his handler in the movie) for his cues.  This is not usual with low budget fare.  It takes a lot of time and work to train a dog NOT to look to his (or her ) trainer off camera for cues.  We got lucky in "Savaged" that my dog, Valkrie, was so in love in Debbie Rochon.  She rarely took her eyes off her, although it is noticeable in one early scene when Debbie is walking Lotus (Valkrie) away from the camera, which I'm standing behind.
I suspect, with Butch's last name being "Stevens", that this interaction is because they used his actual dog.

Most of the acting in the second film is also adequate.  Considering this was Andres Stevens directorial debut and he starred and co-wrote the movie, it is really is a solid little piece of horror home cinema.  There are some low budget moments that stand out, perhaps most of the all the horrible "machine gun" action.  The sound F/X and shaking of actor Chick Vennera clearly indicate that he is supposed to be firing a machine gun, but no blanks were used, no smoke leaves the barrel and this was before the days of adding muzzle flashes in post.  The result is completely unconvincing and looks like kids playing cops and robbers.

I definitely suggest "The Terror Within" for anyone who is a monster in a maze fan and if you enjoy the first so much that you wish it was longer, watch the sequel.  You'll mostly get more of the same and you'll see the final act coming from a mile or so away, but you'll get more monsters and guts.

"Halloween Horror Tales" - A New Indie Anthology

"Halloween Horror Tales" is an indie anthology from Director, Writer, all around filmmaker, Jeff Kirkendall.  It is pretty much what the title promises, four short films about the strange happenings in a small town.  Like in many of the classic anthologies the person telling the story is also a main character in the final tale.  We're treated to stories about a psychotic clown, a horror hostess with a secret (I'm not really sure what the secret was), a "Bad Flower" and a rash of killings that are being blamed on a vampire.

The stories are much like old Twilight Zone or Tales from the Crypt episodes where the real payoff comes with the ending.  Some of these payoffs are more worthwhile than others.  Some are twists, other punchlines of sorts.  Of course, I was partial to the killer plant story, "Bad Flower", even though there was nearly no character development outside of the first two women we meet.  I just really enjoy killer plant movies like "Lumber vs Jack" and "Jack vs Lanterns" .  I kind of wish there had been more sound F/X used in this one, but the visuals were pretty effective for the monstrous flower.

  Throughout the stories we see some of the same faces, but they're obviously meant to be playing different characters.  Some viewers may find this confusing since it's supposed to all take place in one town.  Just try to think of them as relatives who closely resemble each other. The acting is hit and miss throughout.  At some points it is very appropriately over the top (Like the two main characters in the flower story) and others lines are delivered so flatly that they seem more like a read through than a performance.  This is not uncommon in indie films, however, since there is often little time for rehearsals and sometimes actors are working together for the first time when the cameras are rolling.  It's something I can forgive in a movie if the stories are strong enough and the lead performances are adequate, as the case in most of the shorts here.

If I have one complaint it's that so much of the action takes place during the day.  This offers very little opportunity for dramatic lighting or dark shadows that help make horror suspenseful.  On the other hand, it does help avoid the indie stigma of being so woefully underlit that  you can't see the action.  (Newer cameras with low light capability and spot on monitors have also helped avoid this in newer indie productions.)  What we're left with are some uninspired, but very viewable scenes. On another technical note the audio is almost entirely good.  I don't recall every feeling like I suddenly couldn't hear a line.  At times it seemed, again, a bit "flat", like some more layers of sound may have helped beef things up, but good audio is better than cluttered bad audio.

Overall, I'd suggest this one to any horror or anthology fan.  There's enough entertainment here to make it worth a watch and a twist or two that might actually surprise some viewers.

I look forward to more work from this crowd.

Nyoka and the Lost Amulet of Vultura

I found "Nyoka and the Lost Amulet of Vultura" on the Retromedia TV Roku Channel.  It's an ad-supported channel, so a true no cost way to watch genre movies.

The Nyoka character in this film is said to be the descendant of the character by the same name who headlines a 1942 serial.  That serial was 15 episodes and had a budget of $175,000, according to IMDB.  According to the trivia, this 2014 released "sequel" is actually comprised of 3 shorter films and a new footage.  The editing and continuity are clean enough that I would not have guessed this fact from watching.  The newer film's budget is also estimated at $5000.  It still amazes me how video and ultra-indie productions have changed movie budgets.  $5000 is likely more than I spent in the end on "Jack vs Lanterns", and definitely more than I spent on either "Alien Vengeance" feature. (I actually worked it out so that we saved on flights for Debbie Rochon by flying her in for her scenes in both movies just once and she shot most of her sequences over a weekend, so we were able to split those costs over both budgets.)

Back to Nyoka.  The producers worked hard at keeping the production similar in tone to the original adventure serial, although as a feature the cliffhangers play out a little less dramatically and there seemed to be too few.  (The original likely would have had seven in the same time span.)  Important elements, however, were kept, such as Satan the gorilla, still portrayed by a "Gorilla Man".  I'm glad they kept that specific effect retro since much else was done with CG.  The computer generated F/X quality was of varying degrees, but none of it was "bad".  Some of it was pretty impressive.

Nicola Rae did an excellent job portraying the smart mouthed, capable adventurer, Nyoka. I was actually disappointed to see that she only has one other IMDB credit.  I think she could add some flare to other independent productions.

Chris Casteel lends his talents as both Gurson, one of the explorers who helps provide some exposition and as the man in the gorilla suit portraying Satan.  I feel like the ape suit could have been helped a bit by lighting, but overall it's impressive as a throwback to a an era when gorillas were almost exclusively portrayed by men in costume.  Angles and camera work can also make or break an onscreen monster, even a gorilla, and this is proven by one particular in which Satan charges, which for me stood out among the rest of his appearances.  He really came across as threatening for those moments of screen time.

Pierce Knightly and Nancy Krayer turn in appropriately over the top campy performances as The Crimson Skull and Congo Kate, respectively.

The supporting cast is capable.

The video and audio tracks are pretty clean with some shaky camera work here and there.  That's mostly noticeable because it's more "modern" than the locked down cameras of the 40s.  The score was reminiscent of the type heard in old serials and jungle movies, which added to the nostalgia.

The plot is also pretty typical for these types of movies, so it will certainly seem a bit "corny" to modern audiences, especially if they've never seen an old serial.

My suggest for this one? If you're a fan of old serials and jungle flicks, give it a watch whenever.  If not, look for some old Public Domain serials and/or jungle movies and watch them first.  Then top it all off with this modern adaptation of the genre and style.  "Cape TV" on Roku is a good place to find serials for free and try Tanget TV or The Internet Archives for some old public domain adventure movies.

There's Something in the Pilliga - But Don't Ask Me What

Seriously, if I hadn't read the description of "There's Something In the Pilliga" I would have had no idea what I was supposed to be watching.  It took a long time to become the monster movie it promised to be and even then I was second guessing what was going on.  But, it's available as part of Prime, so if you subscribe, now is the time to give it a chance.

In a sense of fairness, I'll say that if I hadn't started watching this with the intent to give it a review (The Movie only has two external reviews on IMDB so far and I feel all movies deserve some coverage) I would have stopped shortly after I realized it was going to be a "found footage" movie.  I'm not a fan of the subgenre and I think the method has become overused in  horror.  So, no matter how well that element of the movie may have been done (and some shots were pretty good), the movie was already fighting an  uphill battle to keep my attention through no fault of script, acting or f/x.  Some of that would come later though.

The driving character through much of the movie is Jay and he is annoying as hell.  I wouldn't want to spend an  hour with him in a truck, but thanks to the first person style of the movie, I feel as if I did.  While I found this grating, this is actually indicative of two things:

1. The POV shots did draw me into the action.
2. Brendan Byrne did an excellent job of playing an annoying son of a bitch.

In reality all of the acting in the movie was pretty spot on.  I had trouble understanding the dialogue, but 90% of the time that was due to accents and my inability to parse them vs 10% of the time when it was the production being a bit too realistic as to the "found footage" quality of the audio.  Most of the audio is pretty clean, but the truck occasionally drowned out some lines and people at a distance from the camera were heard to be talking as if they were far away.  You don't notice it in most movies, but distance often isn't a true factor in how well  you can hear someone in a film.

The movie takes a good 40 minutes or so before anything even remotely interesting happens unless you count some "peeping Tom" moments early on. I suppose this is story and character building time, but like I said, I found the main lead character annoying, so I could have done with less time developing that.  Getting to the monsters and the danger in the woods takes even longer.  We're treated to some sound F/X and glimpses of shadows and scary eyes, but not much else even though our first person camera operator is shining a spotlight all over the darkness of the nighttime woods.  By this point of the film, unless you're interested in overexposed trees or underexposed monsters, there isn't much to see.  There's an attempt at some exposition by a character who is hiding.  Dylan, our camera operator, reminds us all when he ran across her earlier on because it's been so long that we're not likely to recognize her connection to the movie otherwise.

Honestly, I lost track of what was going on, but again, this could have been due to my lack of commitment to trying to follow "found footage" movies.  I do tend to zone out.

In conclusion, if found footage movies are something you like, you'll find most of the elements you expect here.  Also, a few scares at the end. Very, very solid acting with few relatable characters and not much to see F/X wise.  Oh, and a baby animal make a brief appearance in a bar scene early on that was pretty cute.  This one is more for found footage fans than monster fans and Americans will probably find the closed captions useful if dialogue and plot are important to you.  There's certainly a lot of dialogue.

Project D: Classified - Familiar Classic Sci-Fi Meets The X-Files

Okay, first read the title, "Project D: Classified" out loud.  Now, do it without pausing for the colon.  Clever, right?  You see what they did there?  You know I like a pun title. ("Jack vs Lanterns" - ahem ), so right off this movie, currently available on Amazon Prime, scores points with me.  Although, I'll be honest, I was about 30 minutes into it before I actually caught it.

The movie's premise is familiar to any sci-fi fan who likes 50s and 60s movies or 70s and 80s sci-fi TV.  The idea of an astronaut returning to Earth infected with an alien influence of some kind isn't new.  It was the foundation for 1955's "The Quatermass Xperiment" (remade several times), 1959's "First Man Into Space", an homage to that movie, "First Man On Mars", an episode of the classic "Doctor Who", "The Ark in Space" and even played a part in 1998's "Species II".   I would suggest watching at least one of these movies (If you choose only one go with "The Quatermass Xperiment") before diving into "Project D: Classified".

I believe as a nod to many of these originals, especially Qautermass, "Project D: Classified" has the alien infection first manifest itself as a single hand upon the astronaut victim.  Jeff Kirkendall does an excellent job in his role of Astronaut Brent Taylor.  His first appearance is very sympathetic and he carries that through most of the film.

For much of the time it's like watching two movies, and with a running time of over two hours it can feel like two movies at points also.  There's the drive-in horror of Astronaut Taylor on his blood lust fueled rampage through the woods and suburbs near his crash site coupled with the story of professor Crater ( Bruce G. Hallenback) and his young partner, an investigative reporter, Carl Wolf ( Sean Bagnardi) trying to unravel the mystery of the crashed spacecraft.  Meanwhile political intrigue led by Sergeant Stone ( Gary Secor ) and his two "Silencers", (Gloom and Doom) intercept the mystery hunters now and then.  A cast of other characters fill each of this simultaneous stories until the whole thing comes to a head and they intersect towards the end of the film.

Some of the F/X are clearly achieved using pre-existing props and costumes (Like the astronaut uniforms and I suspect the alien hand), but they're often augmented and used well.  Digital F/X seem to be kept to a minimum and for this movie I really liked that.

This was a very ambitious project. Washington D.C. plays a major role in this movie and location shots were used with varying effect.  Probably the only bad audio moment was when Colonel X is on the phone at the Lincoln Memorial and his dialogue is nearly drowned out by a group of school kids on a field trip just off camera.  It just doesn't seem like the situation a guy named "Colonel X" would choose to make a "need to know" phone call during.

Another sign of the ambition involved is the size of the cast.  There are so  many characters and at times this works against the movie.  Clearly Gloom and Doom are largely involved for comedy relief, even though they're portrayed as deadly hunters with no mercy.  And it works to keep the movie entertaining. But there are members of the cast whose acting falls far shorter than the rest.  For the most part the core cast is pretty solid with Jeff Kirkendall, as I mentioned, giving a stand out performance as the sympathetic man made monster.

There are quite a few action sequences, including hand to hand, swords, knives and guns.  About half of these sequences fall short of being convincing, but they're all fun to watch.  It's not easy keeping things safe on an indie budget and making it look convincing.  My fight scenes in movies like "The Lunar Pack" and "Stopped Dead" were only possible because I had pros like Mia Morse and Joel D. Wynkoop willing to help me out and do the choreography and fighting themselves.

So, a familiar but CLASSIC story with some neat modern twists, a mixed bag of acting, f/x and action and a sense of self-aware humor throughout.  What more can  you ask for?  An after credits sequence, you say?  Well stick around after the credits start rolling because this retro styled movie doesn't disappoint when it comes that modern movie convention.  And once again, we're given a clever way to achieve an ambitious scene on a modest budget.

Overall I'd say this one is for any fan of old drive-in sci-fi or anything made for TV up through the 90s.   Completists of "Men infected by space monsters" movies and TV may even want to own it.
(Oh! I just remembered, "The Six Million Dollar Man" had its own version of this where the astronaut was driven mad and given super strength by an experimental serum! The episode was "The Pioneers", season 2.)


I couldn't find a trailer, but here's a placeholder video for now with some looks behind the scenes.

Some of the other movies I mentioned.

("Quatermass Xperiment" aka, "The Creeping Unknown")